The SHAMY vs JAMY complication (REUPLOADED)
by luvamerica98
Summary: Same story.


**Getting Ready For the Date**

After Penny and Bernadette left my apartment, I went to my room and closed the door behind me. "Time to get ready for tonight!" I sang. I unbuttoned my cardigan and let it slide off my arms. I rolled my eyes. "Remind me again why I wear two cardigans." I peeled my other cardigan from my body. Underneath it was my grandfather's dress shirt. I unbuttoned it. I then peeled off the white T-shirt. After stripping down to my white tank top, I unbuttoned my skirt and let it slide to my ankles. Underneath that was my black stockings. I kicked my orthopedic shoes off and slipped out of my black stockings. Finally, I pulled my tank top off. I felt so relieved once I finally got all those layers off. Afterwards, I went into the bathroom and hopped in the shower.

Once my tedious and ridiculously cold shower finally came to an end, I took my shower cap off and then grabbed my makeup kit. What should my eyes look like? I think they should be night colors. Perhaps I should go for the smoky eyes. Perfect. I was so excited that my hands trembled as I applied the makeup. Tonight was going to be the best night of my life! Once I finished applying my makeup. I put on my undergarments and then grabbed my tunic wolf-printed shirt, black leather jacket, dark jeans, and black stilettos from the closet behind me. After changing into my outfit, I grabbed the curling iron and teased my hair up. _Perfect_. When I finished, I put on my silver chain and my silver hoop earrings. Once I was done getting ready, I headed out of the bedroom. I grabbed my black Gucci handbag and strutted out of the apartment.

**The Meeting with Jenna**

Once I was out of the building, I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed Jenna's number. "Hello?" she answered. Just the sound of her voice sent chills up my spine. "Jenna, its me. I'm out of the building."

"Alright, Amy, I'm coming to pick you up."

"Okay thanks." I hung up my phone. A slew of cars flew past me. A gust of harsh, cold wind grazed against the back of my neck. My knees started quivering. A chill shot up my spine. It was probably a combination of the ridiculously low temperature and my overwhelming nervousness. This was, after all, my first real date with Jenna Marshall. _Date with Jenna Marshall? _A high school graduate? Yes, she was totally gorgeous with her dark brown hair, emerald eyes, flawless pale skin, perfect lips, high cheekbones, cute little dimples and petite frame, but she just graduated from high school not so long ago. I graduated from college at least nine years ago. I was at least ten years older than her, not to mention I already had a boyfriend. Oh my god! Sheldon! What will he say when he finds out that I've been sneaking around with Jenna? Should I just tell him that she came on to me? Part of believed that I should just break it off with her but another part believed that she was the one I wanted to be with. Of course she and I have never gone out on an official date before, but she was the one I lost my virginity to. Yes, we had sex a couple of nights ago and it was totally amazing! I loved how she could easily satisfy me. I also loved how she'd often compliment me, unlike Sheldon. Sheldon would always either insult me inadvertently or act repulsed whenever I hold his hand, which is also insulting. I didn't feel lonely or unimportant when I was with her. She always had a way of making me special.

After twenty minutes of waiting on the curb of the sidewalk, a black Sedan pulled up in front of me. The window rolled down. "Hey, sexy," the younger brunette purred. The door swung open. I climbed into the vehicle and closed the door. She gave me a wink before slamming on the accelerator and speeding off the curb.

**After the Movie**

She took my hand into her own as we walked down the dark alley. "Wasn't that the most awful horror movie you've ever seen in your entire life?"

"Yeah. I still can't believe that moron went into the closet!"

"I'm with you there. Jack was such a fucking idiot!"

"Yeah, I actually wanted him to die. He was such an asshole to Marlene!"

"Yeah." She glanced over at a corner at the end of the corridor before giving me a devilish smile. "Hey, wanna go to that corner over there and make out?" I could feel the warm blood migrating southwards. I've been waiting all night to kiss those luscious lips of hers all night. "Let's." She towed me into the small corner and pressed my back against the wall. Her lips clashed into mine. I could feel blood racing through my veins. I kissed her back, taking a clump of her hair into my hands. Her hands snaked up and down the sides of my neck and then traveled down to my hips. She secured them and pressed herself against me. Her tongue prodded the opening of my mouth as though she were knocking on my door. I was polite enough to open it. I wrapped my legs around her waist. She trailed her fingers down to my thighs and gripped them. Her lips moved to the tip of my chin. I moaned as she traced openmouthed kisses to the nape of my neck. I grabbed her by the lapel of her jacket and tugged her closer. "Oh, Jenna!" I moaned. She pressed me further against the wall and grabbed at the lapel of my jacket. She pushed my hands out of the way and then pulled the jacket down my arms. She broke the kiss momentarily to pull my shirt over my head. Now I was stripped to my black-laced bra and my dark jeans. She pulled me back in and closed the space between us. Her thumbs weaved through my belt loop. She moved her hands to the back of my thighs ans then carried me to the wall on the opposite side. She settled herself on a small trashcan near a rusty-colored door. I was on her lap, tracing my fingers over the outline of her bra beneath her white spaghetti strap. She moaned against my lips and flushed her chest into mine. I could feel her heartbeat against my flesh. She pulled her leather jacket off and let it fall onto the lid of the trashcan. I pulled her spaghetti strap over her head and tossed it to the side.. The trashcan began to lean towards the slightly cracked door behind us. Next thing I knew we were stumbling onto a carpeted floor. I didn't know how she did it, but somehow she had me pinned on my back. From my peripheral vision, I spotted a man walking out of his motel room. She must've spotted it to because the minute he walked out, she immediately stood up, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the motel room. Once I shut the door behind us, she pinned me to the wall and devoured my mouth. I maneuvered her towards the bed on other side of the room. We stumbled onto the mattress. Her fingers fumbled for the button of my jeans. Once she undid them, she slid them right down my legs. I kicked them to the floor. She straddled me to the bed and cupped her hand over my bra. "Satisfied yet?" she whispered in my ear. "Hell yeah," I pant.

**The Strange Encounter with Keegan Harding**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GIRLS DOING IN MY ROOM?" The shouting immediately woke us up, and I swear to god my heart jumped out of my chest. There stood a man about six feet tall with a blonde goatee and stubble, glowering down at the both of us with fiery blue eyes. Every muscle in my body tensed. "Uh…uh…uh…"

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BREAK INTO MY MOTEL ROOM AND FRATERNIZE ALL OVER MY MATTRESS BUTT NAKED?"

"We, uh, well…"  
"AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?" Jenna and I exchanged glances, suddenly creeped out and utterly disturbed. Before we knew it, the man ripped off his cashmere sweater, trousers, and boxers and then climbed into the bed. He forced himself right in between us. I could literally feel his hair legs grazing against mine. I started tasting bile in the back of my throat. "Now this is a party! My name is Keegan Harding! How y'all doing?"

"Fine," we simultaneously said, feigning smiles towards his direction. He wiggled his ass all over the place, laughing hardily. "So, what are we doing now?"

"W-we were just leaving," Jenna stuttered. Immediately, we scrambled out of the hotel.

**Pleasure in a Cab**

"That was totally weird and creepy!"

"At least we have our clothes back on, though I do need to get mine washed." Jenna tugged the lapels of her jacket over her breasts. "Can't believe you soiled my shirt!"

"Oh, you enjoyed it!" She shrugged. "I'll have to admit, that was kind of hot."

"Yeah, you loved it."

"You know, I kinda wanna do it with you in the cab." A smile spread across her face. I scoffed. "How about we just make out? And this time, our clothes are staying on! Deal?"

"Deal." We stopped at the curb of the sidewalk. She hailed a cab. It was only a matter of twenty seconds before a black and yellow taxi pulled up in front of us. She climbed into the cab. I followed her. "Pasadena Apartment Building 4100." She whipped out a wad of cash from her bra cup and handed it to the cab driver. He stashed the money into his glove compartment and then pulled away from the curb. Suddenly, her lips crashed into mine. Her finger leisurely worked up my thigh. I grabbed her by her waistband and tugged her closer. She delved her tongue deep into my mouth. I worked my hands up her spine and tangled my fingers in her tousled dark brown hair. She grabbed the lapel of my jacket and pulled me towards her. Suddenly, I was straddling her. My tongue overlapped hers. Her fingers slipped under my shirt and then met the cup of my bra. The cab came to a sudden halt. I immediately broke the kiss and straightened myself up. She sat up from her seat and comber her fingers through her hair. We were in front of the apartment building.

**In Amy's Apartment**

Jenna slowly sipped her cup of chamomile tea. "Thanks for the tea."

"No problem, Jenna." I took a seat next to her and sipped on my cool glass of water. "I'm really tired," she said. "That man woke us up at 3 in the morning!"

"I would've suggested we slept in the cab, but you wanted to make out with me."

"I can't resist you; you're sexy." My cheeks started feeling hot. "Well, I am irresistible." I dramatically flipped my hair She waggled her brow at me. "Certain people can agree with you. Do you wanna share a bed with me?" I nodded.

**Late for Work**

We woke up five hours later. "Well, I feel well-rested. How about you?" She turned to look at me. "I feel so much better! That man, what's his name? Klingon Hardening?"

"Keegan Harding?"

"Whatever. That psycho forgot to take his crazy pills." I laughed. "Don't you have a hangover from all that wine you drank?"

"I only had two glasses."

"Yeah, and you got a little naughty, too." I turned over to the clock to see what time it was. "Oh shit! I'm late for work!" I immediately sprang out of bed and rushed over to my closet. I hurriedly put on my five layers of polyester tops, black stockings, my lengthy denim skirt, orthopedic shoes, my spectacles, and lab coat. I jogged over to Jenna's bedside to give her a kiss on the forehead before sprinting out of the apartment.

**Time with Leonard and Sheldon at the Apartment**

"So, Amy, is Jenna coming to Wolowitz's celebration on Wednesday?" I nodded in response to Leonard's question. "Where is she?" Penny asked. "Oh, she's at her apartment snoozing away." My phone buzzed. I fished for it in my pocket. It was a text from Jenna that read:

_Where r u?_

_I'm at leonard and sheldon's apartment. R u still in my apartment? _

Before I even had time to put my phone away, it beeped again. Jenna responded, saying:

_Yup. And wearing a really sexy outfit that I cannot wait for u 2 see. ;)_

I bit down on my lip, trying so hard to suppress a smile. I texted:

_Ur the cutest, u know that right?_

I stashed my phone into my bra cup. "Who was that?" Penny asked. I nonchalantly shrugged. "Just Jenna asking me if we could do something tonight."

"You and Jenna really seem to be hitting it off," my tall, scrawny, and quirky boyfriend remarked. I nodded. "We've gotten really close for the past couple of weeks." My phone vibrated against my breast. I pulled it out of my bra cup and opened the text message that I just received from Jenna.

_Yeah. No wonder you like fucking around with me._

I failed to suppress my giggle. Sheldon looked at me curiously. "Amy, may I ask why you are giggling like a common schoolgirl?"

"She just texted me a joke," I lied. My phone beeped for the fourth time. I opened the message. There was an attachment to it. I clicked on it. A picture of Jenna in a black bikini top appeared on my screen. My throat became dry and my breasts began to feel taut. I failed to stifle my whimper. "Amy, are you alright?" Wolowitz asked. I cleared my throat. "Yeah. My throat's just dry."

Sheldon looked extremely confused. "You whimper when you're thirsty?" I just smiled at him and shoveled more Thai food into my mouth. "Did you know that in Thailand, people never differentiate breakfast, lunch, and dinner from each other? They just have three different types of dishes for each time of the day."

"Nobody cares, sweetie." Penny took a sip of her beer. My phone vibrated again. I opened the message.

_Did that photo get your libido running or what?_

I smiled and shook my head and then texted:

_Oh you had me there. I whimpered in front of everyone! LOL _

"Was that Jenna?" Leonard asked. "Yup, that was her," I answered. My phone went off again.

_LOL. Did Dr. Quirky say anything about it?_

"Amy, why do you constantly text this girl? I get it; she's nice to you, but the constant beeping of your cell phone is driving me bonkers! And why are you always acting all girlish and giggly when you receive text messages from her?" I rolled my eyes. "We're friends, Sheldon, and this is what we do. We text private jokes back and forth."

"Leave her alone, Sheldon," Penny chimed in. "She's just texting her new BFF." Penny took a large bite out of her forkful of Thai food. And once again, I receive a new text message from Jenna. Sheldon rolled his eyes. "It's Jenna again, isn't it?" I ignored him and checked the message.

_Amy, y aren't u responding back?_

_Sorry, Jenna. Dr. Quirky is hammering me about constantly texting you. Anyways, I can't wait 2 see u 2nite. 3_

I tucked my phone into my skirt pocket and continued scooping a boatload of white rice into my mouth. Sheldon sat there, shaking his head at me. "What happened to you?" I just gave him a "I don't have time for this crap" look and then sat my container down. "Will you calm your panties?" Sheldon gave me this confused look. "Calm my panties? Calm my panties? What does that even?" I did everything but roll my eyes at him. "You're a mess, you know that?"

"I'm a mess?"

"Yes, that's exactly what you are! A damn mess!" He gaped. "I organize my cereals in a certain order, from least fiber to most fiber. I vacuum between my cushions, and also, I sanitize my hands every time I make physical contact with another human being! Is that messy to you?" I opened my mouth to say something else, but then immediately shut it, figuring it wasn't even worth it. "Amy, what is going on with you? You used to worship me and compare me to a sexy praying mantis and all this other nonsense! Now all you ever do is bark at me for asking the simplest questions—"

"I'm tired! Okay? Get the fuck off of my back!" Everybody in the room just gaped at me. That's when I realized what my error was. "I'm so sorry, everyone. That just slipped out."

"You dare use such language, Amy!" I was beginning to get a headache. "We all make mistakes, Sheldon! Just move on!"

"Move on? How can I move on when you're suddenly swearing all over the apartment? Is this Jenna girl influencing you poorly? Is she a gangster? Has she suddenly taken you to the dark side?"

"Sheldon, Amy just said a swear word. Get a grip!" I silently thanked Leonard for coming to my rescue. Sheldon opened his mouth to say something but then Penny interjected. "Amy, you should invite Jenna to come to the mall with us this Thursday."

"Yes, I will."

"Alright, but she has to make it back in time for our date night." Sheldon said. That caught me off guard. "What?" He squared himself towards me. "It's the second Thursday of the month."

"Oh, date night! I forgot! I cannot make it to date night because I'm hanging out with Jenna at her place."

"Oh, I see." Sheldon seemed slightly hurt. He picked up his container and continued eating. My heart slightly sank. Just then, my phone rang. "Excuse me for a minute." I fished my phone out of my pocket and headed into the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Hey, Amy. Sorry to interrupt Chinese food night, but I really want to hear your voice right now. When are you coming home?"

"At 10 pm. That's when _Thai _food night ends."

"Would you mind a little phone sex?"

"I'm in my boyfriend's kitchen! Isn't that a little risky?"

"I really want you right now," she purred. I devilishly smiled. "How about I torture you?"

"Damn. I really want to touch you right now."

"I'm going to be home in thirty minutes."

"I have to wait another thirty minutes?" I chuckled. "You're not that impatient, sweetie. You can wait for another half hour."

"It bothers me that I can't touch you right now."

"I'm coming home."

"You make me so horny."

"Bye, Jenna."

"Bye, hon." I hung up the phone and then headed back into the living room. "Sorry, that was Jenna. She wanted to see what time I'd come home so she could hang out with me." Leonard chuckled. "She really likes you, doesn't she?"

"Oh yeah." _You have no idea_. Sheldon did something that no one has ever expected him to do: he snatched the phone right out of my hand and then stuck it in his left pocket. "Sheldon!" Penny snapped. I slapped him upside the head. He gaped at me. "First you swear at me and now you abuse me?"

"Give me back my phone!" He sighed and then handed me my phone back. "Idiot box," I muttered.

**After Jealous Sheldon Dinner **

I plopped face-first onto the bed and let out a sigh of exhaustion. Two soft, lean hands coiled around my shoulder. I could feel her thumbs digging into my shoulder, where one of the trigger points is located. I moaned softly. "How was your day, cutie?"

"Terrific. I got into fight with Sheldon. He took my phone away so I slapped him upside the head." She started laughing hysterically. "I'm sorry," she choked. "You really slapped him upside the head?"

"Yup. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the dinner."

"You're becoming more and more of a badass lately. Take your top off, or should I say, 'your _tops_ off.'"

"Hahaha. Very funny."

I stripped down to my leopard-printed bra. She unhooked it. I pulled the bra strap down my arms and then loosely tossed it to the side of the room.

"Now lay back down." I laid back on my stomach. Jenna continued massaging my back. "Sheldon can be a complete asshole, Jenna."

"I see he is upsetting you."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get sick of him! He's a condescending asshole!"

"Just relax. Don't think of him for a minute. Just breathe in and out." I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm just going to breathe and let you massage my back."

"Don't apologize. I do shit like this every time I get a massage."

"You know, for once, I wanna get out of town."

"I figured you'd say something like that. That's why I packed our bags and booked a hotel for us. We leave tomorrow morning at eight."

"You did what?" I suddenly sat straight up, nearly flinging her into the bedpost. She giggled. "I booked a hotel for us."

"OMG! THANK YOU!" I turned around, grabbed her by the straps of her bikini top and pulled her in for a kiss. "Oh my gosh! This is so exciting!"

**The Drive**

"Oh my God! Look at this scenery!" I pointed at the rolling hills of lush green on the side of the road. Jenna glanced over her shoulder for a mere second and smiled at me. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"I can't believe we're doing this! You, me, out in the country having a good time!" I threw my head back and soaked in the warmth of the sunshine. The warm breeze combed through my hair. "I've never felt so free!" I stood up in the convertible and spread my arms out. The sun gently kissed every inch of my bared skin. I started laughing like a three year old. "This is so beautiful!" I lowered myself back into my seat. "I can't believe you did this for me!"

"You know I love you, right?" Those words lifted my heart. "I love you, too." I laid a kiss on her cheek. She giggled. "You giggle like a child," I teased. She shook her head. "I do not; you do!" I snorted. "You got that right!" A weeping willow caught my attention. "Oh my Gosh! Did you know that the willow trees have medicinal properties?"

"No, I did not. Continue."

"Chewing on willow bark is one of the most effective to treating fevers and inflammation. You see, the bark contains salicin, which is similar to the active ingredient in aspirin, which is acetylsalicylic acid. It also contains additional antioxidant, antiseptic and immune boosting properties. You can also use it to treat back pain, headaches, and osteoporosis."

"Wow! So if I get a migraine, you're going to get me some willow bark?" She snickered at me. I playfully punched her in the shoulder. "You're cute. Ooh! Another interesting fact about weeping willow trees is that they are planted near water because they are aggressive water seekers. If they aren't planted near water, they can clog pipes and damage near by structures such as sidewalks."

"That must be why they are one of the fastest growing trees. They can grow up to 50 feet tall."

"Yeah. Where's the hotel?"

"Oregon City."

"Wow, that's a long drive."

"I know. I wanted to take you all the way to New York, but that's a 40 hour drive from Pasadena."

"And that's a lot of gas money to pay. We'd probably need like $400."

"You and your hyperbol-ees."

"I love the way you say_ hyperboles_."

**Cafe**

"So, what do you want to eat?" I scanned the menu. "I'll try a spinach and salmon salad. You?"

"I think I'll get the Garden salad."

"Ah, we're the salad girls." She cracked up. "The salad girls? Really? You're such an idiot!" I bursted out in laughter. "I know, right? That was so dorky!"

"I'm much dorkier than that. I was actually thinking we could buy some matching T-shirts." I was writhing in laughter. "Matching T-shirts? Who's the idiot now?" Her face turned bright red and her shoulders were shaking. "Stop it; I'm gonna wet myself!"

"In a café?" She started coughing so loudly that my heart jumped in my throat. "You okay?" She looked up at me and cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just laughing so hard. Usually when I laugh this hard, I start coughing." She cleared her throat again. "You know, we should have sex once we get to the hotel."

"Yeah, good idea. I was so tired last night."

"You weren't too tired to haul me off your back last night."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't apologize. Toby was massaging me one time and I hurled him off my back when I heard that gunshot." My head jolted up immediately. "Gunshot?"

"Yeah. It was just my dad, practice shooting."

"Hunting?"

"Actually he's a retired police officer."

"So, he missed working in the force?" She shook her head. "He hated working in the force. He actually practiced shooting because he was pretending to shoot this guy he used to work with: Harold Jempsen."

"Why does your dad hate him so much?" She shrugged. "Beats me. He keeps saying something about Marlene King. I assume they were fighting over a girl and Harold won her or something like that." My phone rung. "Excuse me,." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the caller ID. Sheldon's name flashed across the screen. I pressed ignore. "Sorry about that. That was Sheldon."

"Why didn't you answer?"

"I really don't feel like talking to him right now." Jenna simply smirked at me. "You're ignoring your boyfriend now?" I shook my head. "No. I just really don't feel like dealing with anymore of his crap, so..."

"Yeah, I'm like that all the time. When he asks you why you didn't answer his call, just say you didn't get his call."

"Or I could just tell him my phone was off." She nodded. "That works, too." A tall, blonde waitress approaches us. "Good evening, ladies. My name is Ellie and welcome to the Texas Slam. May I start y'all womenfolk off with something to drink?"

"I will have a virgin margarita and my friend, here, will have Sex on the Beach," Jenna told the waitress. "One virgin margarita and one Sex on the Beach coming right up." The waitress strutted into the kitchen. Jenna waggled her brows at me. I couldn't help but smile at her. "Sex on the Beach? Really?"

"Come on. You need a little _sex_, don't you?" She gave me this cheeky smile and then winked at me. I blushed. "Oh, Jenna. You horny bitch." She slid her spaghetti strap down and slipped a nipple at me.

"Stop it!" She released her top and tried to suppress her giggle. "You're so inappropriate!" I swatted at her with a napkin. She kept cackling like a madwoman. I just sat there, shaking my head at her. "You should've ordered a Slippery Nipple."

"You should show me your boobs sometime. I showed you mine."

"Yeah, keep them in your shirt. You're in public!" We snickered. "Sorry, I had to," she choked out. I just shook my head at her and tried to suppress a smile. "You're getting a little nasty."

"Like Miley Cyrus!" I cocked a brow. "You seriously just compared yourself to Miley Cyrus?" She stifled a giggle. The waitress returned with our beverages. "Your virgin margarita." She set it in front of me. "And your Sex on the Beach." She set it in front of Jenna. Before I can correct her, Jenna thanked the waitress. The waitress meekly smiled at the both of us before returning to the kitchen. I gave Jenna a look. "Jenna, she just got our order wrong."

"I know." She took a sip out of _my _cocktail before handing it to me. I sipped her margarita before sliding it across the table. We took a sip out of our own drinks. "How's your cocktail?" she asked me. "Mine's fantastic. And your margarita?"

"It's delicious, especially since you sipped out of it." She winked at me. I blushed a little. "You're flirting with me here?"

"Honey, I'm gonna flirt with you no matter where we are." I just smirked at her and took another sip of my cocktail. "You're kinda sexy when you act wild."

"What can I say? Being wild and sexy is my specialty." She winked at me again. I could literally feel my ovaries exploding. "We should definitely have sex when we get back to the hotel." Her eyes flickered to my lips and then back to my eyes. "In the dark." I winked at her. The waitress returned. "Y'all ladies ready to order?"

"I'll have the Garden salad and this little sex bomb here," Jenna winked at me for the third time, "will have the spinach and salmon salad." The waitress just smiled at the both of us and chuckled. "Alright, one Garden salad and one spinach and salmon salad coming right up." She spun on her heels and headed back to the kitchen. I cocked my brow at her. "You just called me a sex bomb?"

"Well, you are. People need to know that."

"If I were really a sex bomb, people would know that just by looking at me."

"Good point."

**The Hotel**

After thirteen to fourteen hours of traveling, we finally arrived at a four star hotel in Oregon City, OR. "Wow, I'm so tired from all that driving!" I groaned. I plopped myself onto the duvet. "My ass hurts from all that sitting down!" Jenna lied down next to me. "Hey, you didn't do _all _the driving!" She smiled at me. I rolled my eyes. "And yet you have all the energy to be cute with me," I muttered. She placed her finger beneath my chin and turned my face towards her. Next thing I knew, I could feel her soft lips pressing against mine. I took her face into my hands and pulled her closer. I shifted onto my side and slid my hand down to her waist. She grabbed me by the collar of my polo shirt and pulled me so close that our chests were flushed into each other's. She entwined her legs with mine. Her fingers laced around my neck. My blood began to boil behind my skin. My fingers ran down her neck as I searched for the zipper of her jacket. Once I stumbled upon it, I unzipped her jacket and slid it off her arms. She straddled me to the mattress and wrapped her legs around my waist. She worked her fingers up my neck and tangled them in my hair. Her tongue parted her lips and met mine. I moaned against her lips. A jolt of electricity shot throughout my body. When we pulled away from each other, our lips were only inches apart. We were panting and getting lost in each other's eyes.

The minute I looked into her eyes, I felt like everything around us has faded to black. We were the only ones on this planet. I took in every feature of her face—her cheekbones, her dimples, her eyes, her skin, and perfectly shaped eyebrows. She leaned in and kissed me again. My heart melted. Her fingers combed through my hair and cradled the back of my neck. Her body was flushed against mine. She began tracking open-mouthed kisses from the corner of my mouth to my collarbone. "You're so beautiful," she panted before reattaching herself to my collarbone.

For a moment, I was beginning to realize how I really felt about her. I felt so secure in her arms, and no one has ever made me feel that way before. My heart felt like it was in a safe place. I started to feel this warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach. Was it her? Was I falling for her?

**The Trip Continued**

She and I left the hotel at about six o'clock. I've been driving for two hours. She was sprawled across the back seat, fast asleep. I glanced at the rear view mirror and smiled at her. I've always loved listening to her murmuring in her sleep. It always made me smile. As I drove down the highway, I reflected on every moment Jenna and I spent together. The moment I could think the most about was last night when I supposedly fell in love with her. We could've been really tired because it was a long trip and we woke up really early. I mean we have been driving for thirteen hours, so it could've just been exhaustion. If I were really in love with her, wouldn't I've known it when we first slept together? Maybe it took me a while to realize what I really felt about her. Perhaps she and I should talk this over breakfast. Part of me felt like talking about it would make things more complicated, while another part of me felt like not talking about it would make things worse between us, or more awkward to say the least.

She started grumbling. I glanced back in the rear view mirror. She stirred awake. Her eyes fluttered open for a second and then closed again. I took a deep breath and eased on the acceleration. My phone rang. I ignored it. "Aren't you going to answer that?" she groggily asked. I shook my head. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm driving. Why would I?" She sat up in her seat and buckled her seatbelt. "You've been silent the entire car ride."

"I don't want to wake you up." She nodded her head. "Yeah. I was kind of beat from last night." My stomach twisted. "Yeah. It was quite a night, wasn't it?" I said dryly. She studied my face for a moment. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all."

**The Dreadful Breakfast**

I pushed my eggs around my plate with my fork and blankly stared at the saltshaker in the center of the table. There was something about last night that felt so different. I don't know if I was just tired or I was beginning to realize how I felt about her. Should I tell her? No, I shouldn't. It's too risky. Part of me was so convinced I was in love with her while another part of me found the idea quite preposterous. She was a child! How could I possibly be in love with her? But she was so beautiful. Her cheekbones were high, her eyes were like shining emerald stones, her lips were luscious, her body was perfect and rich with curves, and her skin was flawless. Her teeth were like pearls. Her smile was perfect and her dimples were to die for. Perhaps, I was merely infatuated with her. What kind of sense does that make? Me being in love with her?

"You okay?" Her question interrupted my train of thought. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not hungry, that's all." She dropped her fork. "Okay, what's the problem? You barely even spoke to me all morning!" She sounded a little frustrated. I sighed. "What happened last night?" She knitted her brow. "What do you mean?"

"When we did what we did last night, it felt different." She laughed uneasily. "What does different mean?" I shifted uncomfortable in my seat. "Well, I felt like I…um…fell in love with you last night." She started to smile. "Really?"

"Yes." Something changed in her eyes. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I could feel the tears trickling down my own face. "I might love you."

"I might love you, too." Everything around us disintegrated into the air. Every voice suddenly became silent. We were lost in each other's eyes for a minute. And for the first time in my life, I forgot about every problem in my life. I forgot about my bad week at work, my fight with Sheldon…

Oh shit! Sheldon! "What am I doing?" She furrowed her brow. "What?"

"I have a boyfriend, I'm completely straight, and—"

"Wait a minute! I'm confused! You just said you were in love with me!"

"I made a mistake!" I could see the anger in her eyes. "A mistake?" she snapped. "Being in love with me is a mistake?" Her eyes shot daggers through mine. I felt a lump in my throat. "Well, yes. I'm already in a relationship and…to top this off, you're just a child—"

"A child?" I did not realize what I had said until that very moment. Tears rolled down her eyes. Her lips quivered. "I'm just a child to you?" she choked out. My eyes became wet with tears. "Jenna, I didn't mean—" She grabbed her purse and stood up. She began to leave. I immediately sprung out of my seat and chased after. "Jenna, please! I'm sorry!" I grabbed her wrist, but she snatched it away and continued out the door. I stood there, frozen with tears oozing from my eyes.

**Amy Finds Jenna and Apologizes (Some Serious Shit Goes Down)**

"Jenna!" So far, she was nowhere to be found. I tried calling her ten times, and I left her three messages on her phone. I walked two miles, searching through every dark alley, every dumpster, and every building. "Jenna!" I checked by the dry cleaner's station and all I saw was a homeless man, wearing nothing but underwear. I placed two quarters in the ceramic mug sitting next to him before continuing my search for her. "Jenna! Jenna! Jenna!"

I checked in the corner of the dumpster. There was nothing but numerous stacks of trash bags. "JENNA!" I pulled my phone out again and dialed her number. "I'm sorry, you have reached the voicemail of Jenna Marshall. Please leave a message after the tone."

"Jenna, its me, Amy. I'm really sorry about what I said about you being a child! I shouldn't have said what I said to you back at the diner. Please call me back when you get the chance." I tucked the phone back in my pocket. My phone rang. In hopes that Jenna finally called back, I immediately pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was Sheldon. I answered. "Sheldon?"

"Amy, where are you? I called you five times yesterday and you didn't pick up."  
"My phone was off. I was at a meeting."

"I knocked on your door at eight o'clock and you weren't there!"

"It was a long meeting that lasted from six in the morning to ten at night."

"What was it about?"

"Just buying new and advanced equipment for the neuroscience lab, like a magnetic resonance imaging scanner. You know, stuff like that."

"Why such a long meeting?"

"There was a debate. Dr. Packerman got pissed off when Dr. Gallagher rejected the idea and then they started getting at each other's throats."

"Yeah, Gallagher and Packerman are like Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty."

"They totally despise each other."

"So, I have the most exciting news to tell you!" I spotted Jenna in front of an antique shop, fiddling with a snow globe. "Listen I gotta go." Before he could say anything further, I hung up and went over to her. She didn't even acknowledge me. I took a seat next to her. "Hey." She turned her back to me and continued playing with her snow globe. I sighed. "I didn't mean to call you a child. That's not what I meant."

She slowly turned to face me. Her eyes were rimmed with red and her cheeks were stained with tears. "Then what did you mean?" she choked out. I sighed. "I was trying to deny that I was…" I could feel a lump in my throat. Tears swelled up in my eyes. "...I was trying to deny that I might've fallen in love with you along the way."

"Well, are you in love with me?" Everything around me went blank. Every thought in my mind suddenly halted. My breath caught in my throat. My heart stopped. Her eyes were filled with anticipation, fear, and a glint of hope. My opened my mouth, but then closed again, trying to figure out the right way to say what I was going to say. I swallowed hard. "I don't know what I feel right now." Another tear rolled down her cheek. "I know what I feel." Her voice quivered. "I'm in love with you, Amy."

"What?"

"I've been in love with you since the first time I met you. And even though you may not be in love with me, I will still do anything for you." Tears poured down my face like a waterfall. "Please don't say that."

She took my hands into her own and looked into my eyes. "Before I met you, I didn't know that I was looking for something. For someone. And when I found you, I found everything I'd never thought I'd needed. You are the only thing that makes sense in my life. You helped me realize what I am. You helped me realize who I really was. I thought I was just a blind, pretty girl who could get all the dick I want. You realized that I was more than that. You've made me realize I was something greater. Believe it or not, I've never felt more powerful and more complete than I do now."

"Stop. Please. You can't love me."

"But I do." She leaned in and kissed me. I felt heat running through my body. She weaved her fingers through the strands of my hair. I closed my eyes. I never thought anyone could make me feel so loved. I've been lonely for the past twenty-nine years of my life. All my life, I've never thought I'd find someone half as compassionate and half as beautiful as she was. I used to think I'd spend the rest of my life in Sheldon's arms. But now I realized that maybe I could spend an eternity in her arms. She showed more love than Sheldon could ever show. Wait, Sheldon!

I immediately broke the kiss. "We can't do this, Jenna." She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please, Amy. I want _you. _No one else."

"But, Sheldon—"

"Forget about him for a minute! He doesn't love you like I do!" She grazed her thumb over my cheek. "Please, Amy! I want to be with you. I want to be the one you're in love with; not him." I thought for a moment. Sheldon has done everything he could to show me he cared. But all I wanted was someone who was not afraid to hold my hand or kiss me. I wanted a more physical and intimate relationship. Maybe I could try with Jenna and see how the relationship turned out. But I would feel guilty for dumping Sheldon, especially after he sacrificed so much for me. He did once say that he loved his spot more than he could ever love me. But he can't help it. He has an extreme fear of physical human contact. It would be mean to dump him over something that he had no control over. But Jenna gave me more than anything that anyone else could give. I felt so comfortable when she was around and I finally began to feel more confident in my own skin. I felt like a different person when I was with her. I felt like the kind of person that I aspired to be since I was a kid. She made me feel like I was more than just a lonely neurobiologist with a crappy history of rejection and numerous failed attempts to forge a strong friendship. I was so afraid of loving her. It was like jumping into water with the possibility of drowning. But I wouldn't know unless I tried. Maybe she and I could be a good thing. "Maybe, I could try with you. Maybe I could love you."

"What?" A familiar voice sliced through the air, causing my heart to sink to my stomach. I suddenly turned around, only to find the tall quirky physicist towering over me. "You're going to leave me for her?"

"Sheldon!" She and I immediately stood up. My stomach twisted into a knot. "W-what are you doing here?" He gave me a onceover. "What on earth are you wearing?" He took in my black leather jacket, white Pretty Reckless crop tank top, my denim mini-skirt ripped at the rim, and my black pumps. "What are you doing here, Sheldon?"

"President Siebert informed me that there was a science conference in Portland. I took a train here." Sheldon smiled gleefully for a brief moment and then continued scowling at me again. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I was just…um…"

"Fraternizing with Jenna Marshall?" He shot a death glare at Jenna. "And you! What are you doing talking about being in love with _my _girlfriend?"

"Doing what you failed to do; love her," Jenna snapped back. Sheldon took a step forward and folded his arms across his chest. "Jenna despite the circumstances, the whole idea of you forging a romantic relationship with my girlfriend is complete hokum. So I suggest that, before you make a poor decision and cause any disgrace upon yourself as well as your kin, you stay away from my girlfriend."

"Or what?" she challenged. Sheldon opened his mouth as though he were fixing to say something, but then closed it because clearly he was unable to come up with a good threat. She smirked. "What? Cat got your tongue?"

"Your grammar was incorrect. I believe that what you meant to say was: 'Did the cat get your tongue?' And I don't need to threaten you, Jenna because I know that, despite your symmetrical body structure, lack of split –ends, well-moisturized skin, and your emerald eyes, you are no match for my intellectual superiority. You see, I have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory. I graduated from college with a Ph.D. when I was sixteen years old. And not only do I have a Ph.D., I have a B.S, M.S, M.A, and Sc.D. You, on the other hand, only have a high school degree and your IQ is dramatically lower than mine. I'd also like to point out that Amy has a Ph.D. in neurobiology and she has IQ of 178, which is not so much lower than mine, though she is still intellectually inferior to me." I rolled my eyes at him. He cleared his throat to continue, "Now, if there were too many big words for you to understand, I'd like to make it simple for you: she's not in to you, sweetheart."

"Now you listen to me, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. Amy may have a really high IQ and she may be smarter than me—"

He scoffed. "May be?" Jenna clenched her jaw. "I still love her! Unlike you, I have the ability to relate to her emotionally. Not to mention, I actually care about her. I'm not afraid to hold her hand when she is scared. I'm the one that had sex with her—"

"Wait a minute." Sheldon turned to face me. "You had sex with her?" His sapphire eyes burned into mine. I opened my mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He clenched his jaw. "Amy Farrah Fowler, this is betrayal! I must say I am very disappointed in you."

"Sheldon, I—" He shot a death glare at her. "And you," he growled. "You touch Amy one more time and I will—"

"You will what?" she challenged. A devilish smirk came across her face. "You can't do anything. Despite your high intellect, you still can't defeat me. For one thing, you have aphephobia, which means that you are afraid of human physical contact. For the past four years of your relationship with Amy, she has wanted nothing more than a physical relationship with you, and yet you failed to that. Why is that? Because you are too afraid! I, on the other hand, am not afraid to touch her. I'm not afraid to tell her that I love her, and I certainly am not afraid of having sex with her!"

"Jenna, correct me if I'm wrong, but what I am getting at here is that you are sexually experienced. Amy, on the other hand, is not. Or _was _not!" He glared at me for a moment before flickering back to Jenna. "Consider this scenario: you are sitting in your bedroom late at night and you are bored with nothing to do. Your hypothalamus is swimming in a sea of estrogen and then suddenly, even Amy becomes a potential candidate. The idea of initiating coitus with her suddenly comes across your mind.

"Now, I've done a background check on you, Miss Marshall. I've contacted your parents, as well as your stepbrother. Both of your parents have testified that you have started dating since you were thirteen years old. You've had sexual encounters with numerous testosterone-driven males from ages fourteen to twenty-five. Also, here's another fact: a couple great friends of yours showed me a video that proves you have blackmailed your stepbrother into sleeping with you. Now to estimate the age range of men that you've had coitus with and that is, of course, including your one-sided affair with Toby Cavanaugh, the amount of sexual partners that you've had in the last six years is twenty-three. Now going back to our scenario with you initiating sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, based on the amount of sexual partners you have had in the past, any sexual contact that you have with my girlfriend will increase her risk of receiving an STD. Do you know what an STD is, Miss Marshall?"

"Yes. We covered it in my high school health class."

"Good. I guess now you'll see my point."

"But what does this mean to you? I mean, its not like you care about her."

"Jenna!" I snapped. Sheldon's eyes went completely cold. "Alright, you listen here you little slut! I know more than you do, do you understand me? And unlike you, my genitals aren't tarnished with another man's semen. Or shall I say other men's semen? Did you notice how I emphasized on the plural?"

"Did you just call me a slut?"

"Well, yes. I did."

"Well if you are such a suitable companion for Amy, why don't you take her into that motel room and have sex with her?"

"Well, you have no problem doing so. I mean, after all you are quite an expert at it." He sneered at he. Jenna took a menacing step towards him. "You better watch your mouth when you talk to me because you have no idea who you're dealing with!"

"Actually, I do. I'm dealing with an adolescent who is nothing more than a pretty girl with a huge ego problem and quite a nasty history of sex scandals." Something completely unexpected happened: Jenna's hand came across Sheldon's face.

"Ow!" He rubbed his cheek. "You slapped me!" He turned to me, still rubbing his cheek. "Amy, she slapped me!"

"Jenna, don't you ever put your hands on him like that again!" She turned to face me, her eyes rimmed with tears. "So you're going to let him stand here and call me a slut?"

"Jenna, I—"

"I thought you loved me." Sheldon smirked at her again. "Well, clearly she doesn't love you—"

"Sheldon! That's enough! Leave her alone!" He scowled at me. "Excuse me? Are you defending her? What about the things that I've done for you? Are you choosing her over me?"

"What have you done for her?" Jenna growled. Sheldon shot her another death glare. "I rubbed vapor rub on her chest, I cuddled her when she was depressed, I sacrifice every second Thursday of the month to have date night with her, I added her to my emergency contact list—"

"That's not for her; that's for yourself!"

"Au contraire, my foe. She was delighted to learn that she has become my emergency contact."

"Are you forgetting the things that you've done _to _her? Like that one time when you left her dry at her Aunt's birthday party so you could play your stupid game, or that time you brought Raj on date night to do all the hard work for you, or that time you referred to date night with her as tedious and a waste of time? May I go on?"

Sheldon said nothing. "Alright, both of you stop it!" I ordered. I turned to Jenna. "Sheldon may have messed up a couple of times, but he really has come through for me." From the corner of my eye, I could see Sheldon childishly sticking his tongue out at her. I turned to face him. "And Sheldon, Jenna may have had a dirty past, but she still is a good person. And you certainly had no right to go poking around in Jenna's sex life. That's very inappropriate of you! Now I suggest that you apologize to her right now, Mister!"

"Very well, then." He squared himself towards Jenna. "Jenna, I apologize for my recent comments on your sex life. That was very inappropriate of me." He turned to face me. "But what you did was much more inappropriate. You deliberately betrayed me, and what's worse is that you lied to my face!" My chest started to hurt. "Sheldon, please—" He held his hand up. "No, no. Hold your apology. You were once someone whom I could trust. Now I don't know who you are anymore!"

"Sheldon—"

"If you were so unsatisfied with our relationship, you could've just told me! Amy, what you did was not only inappropriate, but it was a betrayal of my trust!" Before I could say anything, he brushed past me. My eyes became misty and my chest felt tight.

**Back in Pasadena**

I lied on my bed, completely surrounded with balled tissue paper. I had a chance at love and I blew it. Not only did I have an affair with a teenaged girl, but I also broke my boyfriend's heart by falling in love with her. What's worse is I don't even know if I _was _in love with her. I nearly threw away a perfect relationship for something I wasn't even sure about. My cell phone rang again. I snatched off of the nightstand and checked the caller ID. It was Jenna Marshall. I ignored it and threw my phone on the mattress. She called me three times. I couldn't even talk to her. She ruined me. Before this, I was attracted to only one person: Sheldon Cooper. Then I became attracted to two people at the same time. I took advantage of an adolescent, and by doing so I betrayed the guy that I loved. My affair with Jenna made me question my feelings for him. I missed three days of work, I didn't eat anything since the disastrous trip to Portland, and I haven't even showered. I've stopped sleeping. I just lied awake at night in my pajamas, wrapped in my linen sheets just staring at the wall.

He fought so hard to keep me by his side. I accused him of not loving me and not caring about me. I was so caught up in Jenna that I completely forgot about everything he tried to do for me. What if I died? Would he care? Well, maybe I'd do him a favor by killing myself. I hurt him. The least I could do is let him heal. And how could he heal if I still existed?

**The Attempted Suicide**

I stared at the pill bottle for a long time. Am I really going to do this? I grabbed it off of my dresser and pulled the tab down. I started to wonder if this would really hurt him. Would it? I unscrewed the cap and poured a handful into my hand. Once I looked at the tiny oval-shaped pills, my life started to flash before my eyes. I could hear my own heart pounding in my ears. My fingers trembled as I lifted the handful of pills to my mouth and popped them right into my mouth. I grabbed the glass of water and chugged it down. My vision became blurred and my body started to feel numb. I could see black spots. Before I knew it, I collapsed.

**The Hospital**

My eyes fluttered open. A blinding white light beamed at me. Was I dead? The light dimmed. A tall, brawny man towered over me. He appeared to be wearing scrubs. "Sorry about that, ma'am. My name is Dr. Landon James. I will be taking care of you this afternoon."

"W-where am I?"

"You're at the Pasadena Hospital."

"Why am I here?"

"Your friend," he gestured towards the vast window where my blonde friend Penny was, "called 911. She informed me that she found you passed out on your bedroom floor." She meekly smiled at me and waved. He waved at her. She gave him a flirty smile and waved back at him. He looked back at me. "Can you recall the events that occurred before you became unconscious?" I sat up a little, feeling a slight tug of the tubes that were attached to my body. "I remembered being depressed and laying in bed. That's all."

"Thank you. Well, I'm going to go see if I could find a psychiatrist you could talk to." He walked out of the room. Through the vast window in front of me, I could see him conversing with Penny. She nodded her head as though she could understand what he was saying, but I saw a hint of puzzlement in her sky blue eyes. When he was done explaining things to Penny, he walked away from her. She came towards the room. The door opened. "Hi." She silently shut the door behind her and then sauntered over to the chair on the bedside. "How're you feeling?"

"Okay I guess. How have you been?" She licked her lips and sighed. "Well, I was fine until I found you passed out on your bedroom floor. Also, there was an open pill bottle on your dresser!" My heart sank to my stomach. Her eyes softened. "Amy, why the hell would you try and kill yourself?" In those ocean blue eyes, I could see compassion. "I was confused about something. Something that's not really worth mentioning."

"Well, why didn't you come to me?" I sighed. "Because it was too much." She tenderly placed a hand over mine. "Amy, I'm your best friend! I could've helped you with whatever it was you're dealing with."

"Even if I cheated on Sheldon with Jenna Marshall and then wound up falling in love with her?" A flash of shock came across her face. "What?"

"You must think I'm a whore now, don't you?"

"Of course not. I'm just shocked that I never heard about this."

"I thought Sheldon told you."

"No, he didn't. He just told me that you and him broke up." Tears started pouring down my face. "I'm so sorry, Amy." She leaned in to hug me. I threw my arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder. She gingerly rubbed my back. "I'm very sorry."

**The Therapy Session**

A tall, slender woman with high cheekbones and sea-green eyes walked into the room, carrying a clipboard. "Hello, Miss Farrah Fowler. Sorry to keep you waiting." She shut the door behind her and then took a seat on the spiral chair right across from me. "My name is Dr. Duncan. I will be your therapist. She pulled a black ballpoint pen from behind her ear. "So, how are you today?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Now, could you tell me about the problems you've been having that lead to your suicidal attempt?" I took a deep breath. "I'll try." I told her about the day that I met Jenna, as well as our sexual encounters. I also told her about the catastrophic road trip that recently occurred. When I was finished telling my story, she shifted uneasily in her seat and cleared her throat. "So what I'm getting at here is that you've been having sexual relations with a teenaged girl despite the fact that you are—were in a relationship with Dr. Sheldon Cooper, am I correct?" I nodded.

"And how did you feel when he found out?"

"I realized that I took advantage of a teenaged girl and made her fall in love with me, yet I didn't return those feelings. I also realized that I—" My voice broke. "I hurt my boyfriend in the worst way possible. I cheated on him and lied to his face. I took him for granted and now, I don't know how I can take back what I've done." I threw my face in my hands and sobbed. "When did I turn into such a slut?" I felt the therapist's hand on my knee. "You're not a slut, Amy. From what I understand, you were in desperate need of affection. It's actually normal for people get themselves into situations like this when they find themselves in an unsatisfying relationship with their partner. Okay, how about this: why don't you tell me what your relationship with Sheldon is like?"

**Later that Night**

I sat in the corner of the living room, staring at the blank laptop screen. After three attempts to video chat my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend, I didn't know what else to do. There was a knock on my door. I knew it wasn't Sheldon. If it were Sheldon, it would go like this: knockknockknock, "Amy," knockknockknock, "Amy," knockknockknock, "Amy." I sighed and got up to answer the door. The bespectacled homunculus stood at my door with his arms folded across his chest. "Amy, you really hurt Sheldon! You should be ashamed of yourself! Do you understand how much you hurt him?" Tears started falling down my face. "Leonard, please—"

"Do you know how many cats are filling up our apartment? Exactly twenty-eight cats!"

"Leonard—"

"You're a total slutbag! How could you betray him like this?" I cried even harder. "I'm sorry! Just leave me alone!"

"You know what? You're out of the group!" Before I could say anything else, he marched down the hallway. I slammed the door and threw myself on the floor, bawling my eyes out.

**Back in the Office**

I was studying a sample of Ricky's neuron under the microscope. For some reason, I couldn't focus. Every time I tried to study the neuron, my mind just drifted back to last night. How could Leonard call me a slutbag? As if I wasn't feeling bad enough. He had to come and make things worse! My throat began to feel dry. I set the lowest objective lens, removed the slide, wiped the objective lenses, lowered the stage, cleaned off the stage, unplugged the microscope, wrapped the chord around, and covered the microscope before heading out of the lab. I closed the door behind me. On the front of my door, I discovered a white piece of paper with the word slut written in bold ink. Annoyed, I ripped the paper off my door and tore it into two before chucking it into the trashcan right across from me. From the corner of the hallway, I could hear a group of female scientists snickering. I scowled at them. "Real mature!" I stormed down the hall into the break room.

Once I got to the break room, I grabbed a paper cup from the large stack next to the water dispenser. I was pouring water into my cup when a man walked by me and coughed the word, "Skank," in my ear. I swatted at him. He and his two friends pointed and laughed at me. One of them threw a balled up piece of paper at me. I picked it up and opened it. It read: "Dr. Farrah Freaky." On the bottom of it was a poorly drawn picture of me humping what appeared to be a teenaged girl. I balled the paper back up and threw it in the trash.

Once I got my cup of water, I headed back to my office when a tall blonde girl bumped into me. "Watch where you're going!" her two friends gave a dirty look. "Careful, girls!" she said to her friends. "If we bump into her, we might get raped by Dr. Slutty Fowler." Her and her friends giggled. I became misty-eyed. I turned around and started to run into the bathroom when all of a sudden, I saw Jenna Marshall glaring at the blonde scientist and her friends. "You know, Dr. Hare, I don't know who you think you are, but I suggest that you leave Dr. Farrah Fowler alone!"

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Lay on your back as your gal pal licks your genitals?"

"You know, Dr. Gallagher won't be too happy once he finds out you've been harassing a fellow colleague. I mean, after all, you wouldn't want that third strike, now would you?" The tall blonde went silent. She sighed, shot me a death glare, and then stormed off.

**The Night****After the Day**

My phone rang for the fifth time today. I was getting really tired of other colleagues hissing the word "slut" over the phone. I answered the phone. "You listen here, you fucking cunt! Stop bothering me! I'm getting fucking sick of it!"

"It's me," Jenna said. I sighed. "Jenna, I don't want to talk to you, okay?"

"I'm sorry about what happened today!"

"I said I don't wanna talk to you anymore!" Before she said anything further, I hung up the phone and tossed it back on the bed. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was starting to get sick of everyone. I wanted to die. Another suicide attempt wouldn't hurt, would it? No, I didn't feel like being sent to that stupid therapist again. Could I miss another day of work? I kind of wanted to. But I wanted to continue my research on primates and nicotine addiction. Besides I couldn't let them win. Ugh! This was getting complicated. When will all of this end? My phone rang again. I didn't even bother picking up. I just snatched the remote off the nightstand and turned on the television. Blossom was on.

"_Blossom, why did you cheat on Joey?"_

"_I guess I felt lonely." _I turned the television back off and then threw the remote against the wall. I didn't even care that it broke. My phone rang again. I snatched it off the hook and picked up the phone. "What the fuck do you want?"

"It's me," Penny said. "I'm headed over to your apartment. I brought pizza, cookies, ice cream, and alcohol."

"Okay, thanks."

"You doing okay?"

"No. I had a crappy day at work today."

"Well, I'm coming over so you could spill your guts out when I get there. I brought Bernadette with me."

"Thank you."

**Night With Penny & Bernadette**

"God, that's terrible!" Bernadette cried. "If I were there I would kick those girls' asses!" She took a large bite out of her greasy pepperoni slice and munched on it. Penny poured me another glass of wine. "Thank you," I slurred. She poured herself another glass. "No problem." She drunkenly lifted her glass of wine. "Cheers to a crappy life!" Bernadette, Penny, and I clinked our glasses before chugging down the red wine. We simultaneously set our empty glasses back down on the carpeted floor. "So, how are things with you and Jenna?" Bernadette asked. My heart stopped just at the sound of her name. "I'd rather not talk about Jenna right now."

"Oh, right. Sorry." She grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured it into my glass. I meekly smiled. "Thanks, Bernie." She simply smiled at me before pouring herself some. I took a sip out of my glass. The vodka burned my throat, but I didn't care. It was much better than all the shit that I've been going through over the past week.

"You know, Amy," Penny slurred. "Fuck Sheldon! Fuck everybody! Fuck 'em hard! You should be able to fuck with whomever you want without people giving you hell for it!" Bernadette nodded in agreement. "Hell yeah! To being a promiscuous female!" We all raised our glass and cheered. "Yeah, I'm a slut! Deal with it!" I shouted. The other two women exclaimed in agreement. "Fuck Sheldon and his condescending attitude!"

"Yeah!" We all clinked glasses again.

**The Dream**

_There was a knock on the door. My eyes fluttered open. I turned to my alarm clock and checked the time. It was 3:00. Damn it! I kicked the linen sheets off of me and tumbled out of the bed. I groaned before picking myself back up and trudging out of the bedroom. I knew who it was. I was just surprised he was here. Knock! Knock! Knock! "Amy?" Knock! Knock! Knock! "Amy?" Knock! Knock! Knock! "Amy?" I stumbled towards the door and flung it open. There he was, staring right into my soul. "Hey," I said. He didn't respond. He just stood there, staring right at me. I bit my lip. "I'm sorry about what I did. I betrayed you and I did you wrong. I acknowledged that there is nothing I can say or do to take back what I've_ _done. I would be very blessed if you forgive me of my transgressions." He remained silent; unmoving. He just stared at me. I snapped in his face, trying to get him out of his trance. "Sheldon?" I received no response. "For God sake, Sheldon, just answer me please!" I waved my hand at his face. He remained still as stone. "Sheldon!" I snapped. "Stop, please!" I shoved at him. He stumbled back a little, but he still didn't respond. His eyes remained focus on mine. I took a deep breath. "If you're mad at me, I understand. But please don't torture me like this! I know you hate me, Sheldon, but don't torture me like this! Talk to me. Please!" He didn't move a muscle. "Sheldon, stop!" I reached out and touched his face. "Sheldon, please." He caught me by surprise when he abruptly grabbed my hand and leveled it with his hips. He pulled me closer and crashed his lips against mine. His lips felt warm and soft against mine. It tasted like white wine and warm chocolate. He moaned against my lips and placed his other hand on the small of my back. He trailed the finger that was around my wrist up my arm and to the back of my neck. His tongue snaked into my mouth and swept over mine. His kiss became deeper. The hand that was once positioned on the small of my back grazed over the curve of my back and then gropes the back of my thigh. He lifted my leg to his waist and then pressed my back against the wall to the left. I moaned. He moved his lips to the corner of my mouth and sloppily trailed them down the side of my neck to my collarbone. He deepened his kiss there and then sank his teeth into my skin. He started sucking. It felt so sexy; that combination of pain and pleasure. "Oh, Sheldon," I moaned. He moved up my neck to the hollow of my ear. He broke away and then whispered, "I love you, Amy." But the voice didn't belong to him. It sounded like more soprano, more feminine. It sounded like Jenna's. He pulled away to face me, but I didn't see his face; I saw Jenna. Her emerald eyes bored into mine. "And I always will," she whispered before pressing her perfect, plush lips against mine. _

My eyes jolted open. I sucked in a breath. I could literally feel beads of sweat dripping down the side of my forehead, and I was trying to catch my breath. My phone buzzed again. I could not stand that damn ringing, especially with this excruciating headache. "Enough with the fucking phone calls!" I growled. I angrily snagged the thing off the charger and flung it across the room. Luckily, it didn't crash into the wall and split in half like my remote did. I kicked the sheets off of me and then fell off the bed. "Really?" I groaned. I didn't even bother to get up. I just got on my hands and feet and crawled to the other side of the room. I grabbed my phone off the floor and checked my call history. There was a missed call from Jenna.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I hissed.

**Another Day at Work**

"Skank!" A tall, brawny neuroscientist shouted at me from across the hall. He threw an empty plastic bottle at the back of my head and then laughed hysterically. I had just about enough of this crap. I abruptly turned to face him. "You know what? That's really immature of you! You call me a skank and throw a water bottle at my head? Where do you think you are? In high school? Let me tell you something, sweetheart: this is a workplace. You don't just throw something at people, call them names, and expect to get away with it! Now I'm going to let you off with a warning, but if you do anything else like throw something at me, call me a name, or post a note on my door, I will file a complaint and you will be walking your sorry ass home with a pink slip in your hand! Do you understand me?" He said nothing. He just stood there, staring at me with a stupid look on his face. I shook my head at him and then continued to the lab. Once I got there, I slammed the door shut and sat in front of the microscope. I placed my eye on the eyepiece to continue studying the neuron, but the neuron was gone. Instead, there was a tiny note on the slide that read, "Amy Slutty Fowler." I clenched my jaw and took the microscope. I flung it at the door. Just then, my boss walked in. "Miss Farrah Fowler, may I see you in my office?"

**In Dr. Gallagher's Office**

He sat down on his seat and adjusted his nameplate before straightening himself and training his faded blue eyes on mine. "Now, Miss Farrah Fowler, I understand that you've been having some difficulty interacting with your fellow colleagues since your—incident."

"Yes. People keep throwing trash at me, calling me a skank, posting mean notes on my door, and today someone even took the neuron that I was examining off the slide and replaced it with a note that read, 'Amy Slutty Fowler.'"

"I see. So that must be the reason why you threw your microscope at the door earlier today." I nodded. "Yes, sir." He cleared his throat. "You know, we have a policy against harassment in the workplace."

"Yes, I understand sir. This morning someone threw an empty water bottle at the back of my head and I told him that if he did that again, I will file a complaint."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Two weeks, sir."

"Very well, then. I will see to it that nobody harasses you again, Dr. Farrah Fowler."

"Thank you, sir." I rose from my seat and turned to leave his office. "Oh, Miss Fowler!" he called after me. I turned to face him. "Yes, sir?"

"If you ever vandalize any property again, I will have to fine you. That costs $20,000." He gave me a warm and genuine smile. I returned a smile before walking out of the office.

**The Marijuana Monkey Incident**

"Dr. Gallagher, I am telling you that I did not switch my monkey to cannabis!" I protested. "Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, we looked at the MRI scans and noticed the shrinkage of his amygdala and his hippocampus! Nicotine does not affect the brain that way! Do not try and play me for a fool!"

"I am telling you I've never put cannabis in my primate!"

"Dr. Farrah Fowler, this is your second strike! You pull one more stunt like this and I am cutting you loose!" I could feel the blood boiling behind my skin. How the hell could this old geezer possibly believe that I would inject my own monkey with cannabis? I jumped out of my seat and stormed out of his office.

**The Note in the Water Dispenser**

Well so much for trusting Dr. Gallagher. I felt my phone vibrating against my thigh. I sighed and then fished into my pocket. Who could be texting me this time? When I looked at the screen, I noticed that the ID was blocked. I opened the message. It read:

_Sluts like you deserve a taste of their own medicine. I hope you enjoy Timmy's company._

Timmy? Oh shit! Somebody kidnapped my monkey and replaced it with a primate that's addicted to cannabis. This is great! Just great! I sat in front of the MRI scanner, wondering exactly where things went wrong. This was all my fault. If I hadn't slept with Jenna in the first place, none of this crap would've happened. I felt like a piece of shit... I started to feel like the universe was against me. Everything I touched suddenly bursted into flames. Just thinking about everything that has been happening to me for the past couple of weeks made my throat feel extremely parched. I rose out of my seat and trudged out of the laboratory.

Once I reached the break room, I grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser and poured some water into my cup. I found a small piece of paper floating around in my cup of water. I picked it up. It read: "Water - you're probably going to need plenty of it. It must make you thirsty, having to lay on your back."

I angrily chucked the cup of water in the trash and then kicked the water dispenser. "Miss Farrah Fowler, I'm warning you!" Dr. Gallagher called from outside the break room. He was heading to the conference room. I groaned and trudged out of the break room. "Good morning, Dr. Slutty Fowler!" Dr. Hare sneered from across the hallway. Tears streaming down my face, I stormed out of the break room and into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it. "Hey, Amy!" a woman's voice called. I looked up and noticed a petite woman with fiery red hair and dark brown eyes. Her skin looked smooth and creamy and her face was shaped like a raindrop. She smiled and walked towards me. "You seem down? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!" I began to walk towards the bathroom stall, but then she grabbed my hand. "Wait, hold on now. Something is wrong! Come on. Follow me."

**The Last Straw**

Dr. Bethany Lane handed me a cup of tea. "Thank you," I muttered. I took a sip of tea. She sat down across from me. "So people have been harassing you since then?"

"Yes."

"That's horrible and very unprofessional! You know people shouldn't be giving you crap about the mistakes you make in your personal life. That's just horrible!"

"Thank you. Finally, someone who understands me." She gave a genuine and compassionate smile and then placed her hand on my thigh. "If you need a friend to talk to, I am right here." I smiled at her. She leaned in and kissed my lips. I immediately pushed her away. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

She leaned in and kissed me again, this time forcing her tongue in her mouth. I kicked her between her legs. "Stop!" She didn't listen. She just placed herself on my lap and then tried to pull my shirt off. I tried pushing against her, but she kept forcing herself on me. "Stop!" I cried out.  
"Dr. Slutty Fowler just can't seem to get enough, can she?" a younger man's voice called from outside Dr. Lane's office. A group of other guys laughed. Finally, I shoved Dr. Lane off of my lap. She fell on the floor. "What's the matter? Am I not young enough for you?" She sneered at me. The guys laughed. I took the hot cup of tea and dumped it all over her. She cried out in agony. I threw the empty mug on her head. She clutched her head and applied pressure to the gash. "What is going on?" Dr. Gallagher called from behind the crowd. Everyone turned around. There he was, scowling at each and every one of us. "This is a workplace, Miss Farrah Fowler! If you want to draw any more attention to yourself, I suggest you go to Hollywood and star in a reality show. But this is a workplace!"

"I'd like to take the afternoon off, Dr. Gallagher."

**Jack Daniels is My Only Friend**

The phone rang. Desperate for someone to talk to, I picked up and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Dr. Slutty Fowler?" a girl sneered over the phone. A group of other girls snickered. I hung up the phone and slammed it on the ground. How about I go over to their house and shoot their faces? I felt like gutting every single scientist in that fucking university. I wanted to take a knife and just draw the blade from their throat to their genitals. Then I could scoop out their insides and take them home for souvenirs. Best part is that they don't get any anesthesia. They're wide-awake and they feel everything. They die a slow and painful death. Then I bury them in my backyard, make tombstones, and then piss all over their fucking graves. I poured myself another glass of Jack Daniels and took a sip. "You're my only friend, Jack Daniels. I love you so much." I sipped some more and then grabbed my Marlboro pack. I pulled out a cigarette and placed it between my lips. The phone rang for the second fucking time. I didn't even bother touching it. Instead, I took the Jack Daniels bottle and poured it all over the phone. After that, I grabbed a lighter and lit up my cigarette. I pulled it out of my mouth and blew a goddam cloud of nicotine. I watched the fumes rise to ceiling. "You know, Jack? If everyone just died, the world would be a better place. You know what I'm saying? I wish there were people like you. People that would just shut up, listen, and bring me happiness! Most people say you're nothing but trouble in a bottle. They sure as hell were wrong about you." I poured more whisky into the glass and took another sip. I put the cigarette between my lips again and sucked in. I slowly drew out another puff of smoke. "The trouble's not in you, Jack; it's out there." I scoffed. "I fooled myself, Jack. I fooled myself. I thought that having an affair with Jenna would give my life a little more adventure. All it gave me was pain. Just pain. Nothing but a shitload of pain." I sipped my whisky. "I need more friends like you, Jack. More friends like you." There was a knock on my door. "COME IN!" I shouted from my bedroom. The door opened. "Amy!" Penny called. "Amy, I heard what happened in work today!"

"I'm in my bedroom, Blondie!" I heard footsteps coming near the bedroom door. The bedroom door opened. "Amy." She scurried over to my side and crouched down next to me. "What are you doing on the floor, sweetheart?"

"Just having a conversation with my old friend, Jack." She rubbed my back. "Oh, you poor thing. Just talking to a bottle of whisky. Want me to get you in bed?"

"No! I already got raped in work! I don't need you to rape me to! Right now, the only person that can give me anything close to sexual pleasure is Jack Daniels."

"Oh, Amy, you poor thing. I'm sorry about what happened." She sat down next to me. "Is there anything you want me to do?"

"No! I don't want anything from anybody except Jack Daniels!"

"How about we go to my place and watch The Exorcist?" I nodded. "Okay. We can see that."

**At Penny's Place**

After the movie ended, I poured another glass of Jack Daniels for Penny. "Thank you," she slurred before chugging it down. For the first time in my life, I wasn't bothered that I was only twenty yards from my ex-boyfriend's apartment. Knockknockknock! "Penny." Knockknockknock! "Penny." Knockknockknock! "Penny." My stomach twisted into a knot. I groaned. "He can't know I'm here!" I whispered to my blonde best friend. "I'll take care of it," she slurred. "WE'RE NOT HERE!" The door opened. There _he _was, wearing his Hulk t-shirt and a long-sleeved shirt beneath it. He looked at me. His expression shifted from indifference to sudden anger. "Penny, what the hell is _she _doing here?"

"She's my friend." He shot a death glare at Penny. "Why couldn't you two hang out at her place? Why does she have to be _here?"_

"Don't be such a jerk, Sheldon!"

"Are you forgetting that she was the one that cheated on me?"

"So, what?"

"So what? Isn't there a friendship manual that states that the friend of the victim of a tragic breakup shouldn't befriend the ex?" Penny rolled her eyes. "Sheldon, go home."

"I will not go home unless you get this taken care of!"

"Sheldon, she may be your ex-girlfriend, but she is still my best friend! If you don't like it, go home!" Sheldon rolled his eyes and sighed before turning around and heading back to his apartment. My eyes were rimmed with tears. I slammed the bottle of whisky on the coffee table and got up from the couch. "I can't do this anymore." I headed out of the apartment and headed down the hallway when I literally bumped into Sheldon. "Excuse me," I muttered.

**The Second Suicide Attempt**

The heavy smell of whisky filled the bedroom. Lying wide-awake, I breathed in the intoxicating fragrance of alcohol and then closed my eyes. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Sheldon's face. I could see the pain in his eyes. I have betrayed his trust and broken his heart. I couldn't take back what I have done. All I could do was lie here and drown in his pain. I just wanted to die. I have destroyed him in ways I couldn't even imagine. What was worse is I turned myself into a victim. I just wanted another sip of whisky just to numb the heartache.

Seeing Sheldon's face just made everything worse. I wanted to take a knife and slit my wrists. I rolled over and grabbed the pocketknife off the nightstand. I pressed the blade against my flesh and drew it across my arm. As the blade tore my flesh, I began to feel release. I could feel the burn of tears in my eyes. For the first time in weeks, I could finally breathe. I slashed my arm again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I never thought that the pain could actually feel so good. All the anger and pain that was balled inside of me was finally unleashed. I positioned the blade on my wrist and took a deep breath before drawing it across. I did the same to my other wrist. Blood began pouring out of my wounds. Oxygen escaped through my lips. I became numb to the pain. Blackness cloaked my eyes…

**The Hospital**

I opened my eyes to the same sight. The same white walls, the same empty chair at my bedside, and the vast window in front of me. But this time, Dr. Duncan was standing out in the hallway speaking to a petite blonde with black-rimmed glasses. She was holding a clipboard to her small, yet protruding stomach. The petite doctor headed towards the door with Dr. Duncan on her heels. "Good afternoon, ma'am. I am Dr. Marvin. I have your therapist with you. Dr. Duncan." Dr. Duncan smiled at me. "Hello, Amy." I smiled back at her. "Hello, Dr. Duncan. So, what's going on? Am I going home?"

"I'm afraid not, Miss Farrah Fowler. Dr. Duncan, your loved ones, and I feel that it's in our best interest if you were admitted to Lakesmith."

"The rehab center?"

"I'm sorry, but you need treatment. Not only did we find wounds from cutting on your arm, but we discovered alcohol and nicotine in your system! This behavior is self-destructive, Amy. You need help!"

"I don't need help! I'm fine!"

"No you're not! You need to get help right away! It is affecting your workplace, your home, your personal relationships…." Dr. Marvin shook her head. "I'm sorry, Amy."

"Get out!" The two doctors exchanged glances. " I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I shouted. They both exited the room and closed the door behind themselves. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe, but I felt like I was suffocating. How could they send me to rehab? Like I have problems? What the fuck is wrong with them? I wanted to get out of this fucking bed and cut their throats wide open. I could feel hot blood beneath my cheeks. I wanted to scream on the top of my lungs. I rapped my fist against the bed and growled.

**Rehab Center**

The nurse shut the door and locked it. I was balled up in the corner of the musty cell, just staring out the tiny window. A faint light spilled onto the concrete floor. That little light was my only hope. It was that small beacon of light that told me things were going to get better. I stared down at my wrists, wrapped in layers of white bandages, and started to cry. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I deserved this. Maybe I wanted to destroy myself. Maybe I wanted the pain. I am vulnerable. I've gone mad. I am mad. How could I have done this to myself? I should've went to Penny instead. I've been in this place for two weeks. Two weeks of being handed white pills in a paper cup. Two weeks of being fed nothing but soup and water. Two weeks spent being locked away from the rest of the world. Part of me felt safe here, while another part of me felt lost. I felt secured in a silent place. Secured in solitude.

If I could escape, I would. Maybe I could take a train to New York and start a new life as soon as I got out. Maybe I could change my name to Halle Berry. No, that name's already taken. Maybe I should change it to Blossom Russo. Yes. Blossom Russo. The idea made me smile a little. It was a real smile. A smile that would never go away. Should I run away? Maybe I could be happy there. In an apartment in New York with a new identity. Blossom. Blossom Russo.

**Visit from Leonard**

"Amy, you have a visitor!" Natalie unlocked the gate and opened it. I sighed and rose to my feet. I walked out of the cell and followed her through the narrow corridors.

By the time I got the foyer, I saw Leonard. My heart literally jumped out of my chest. He sat there with a bag of frozen yogurt on his lap. He looked up at me and smiled. I weakly smiled back at him and then took a seat right across from him. The nurse walked over to the corner of the lobby and sat down in a small wooden chair.

"Hi." He waved at me and then sat the bag of frozen yogurt between us. "I brought you some frozen yogurt." I took the bag off the table and opened it. There was a cup of chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt. I smiled at him. "Thanks." I grabbed the spoon out of the bag and took a spoonful of yogurt. "So, what brings you here?" I shoveled the yogurt into my mouth. Leonard cleared his throat. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry for calling you a slutbag a couple weeks ago. That was very uncalled for." My blood started to boil. This cunt came all the way over here with a stupid cup of yogurt to apologize for destroying me completely? "And you wait until I'm in a mental institution to give me a fucking apology? You thought you could buy my forgiveness with this frozen yogurt shit?"

"Hey! No need for the profanity! I was just apologizing!"

"You're a load of shit, you know that? Thinking you could just waltz your fucking ass up in this place and expect me to forgive you? What next? You're gonna drive a motherfucking Porsche here and slap a key in my hand? Huh?" I threw the yogurt at his face. "Hey!" a nurse called. A team of nurses rushed over and immediately hurled me out of my seat. They dragged me out of the lobby.

**Out of Rehab**

The drive from Lakesmith with Penny was silent. Her jaw was clenched and her blue eyes were fixated on the road. "Your check-engine light is on," I pointed out. She remained silent. I sighed. "Penny, please talk to me."

"Why should I? You never talked to me."

"I said I was sorry!"

"This is the second time you tried to kill yourself, Amy! Not once have you come to me!"  
"You're already in a happy relationship! I didn't want to drag you or Bernie down with my stupid problems!"

"And you thought suicide was going to solve things?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't change the fact that my best friend wound up in the mental hospital for self-destructive behavior! Two months, Amy! Two fucking months in a mental hospital! I was worried sick about you, Amy! And now, so is Sheldon! That's the reason why he admitted you in the goddam place!"

"Sheldon? Why would he do that?" Penny sighed. "I told him about the first time you tried to kill yourself, the cutting, the drug addiction, the shit you've been going through at work—"

"When the hell did you tell him about this?"

"After I received the call saying that you're back in the hospital for another suicidal attempt!"

"I told you not to tell anyone!"  
"I had to! You needed help!" I sighed. "How'd he take it?"

"He was devastated. I mean, he didn't show it or anything, but he was crushed that you'd do something like that to yourself! Amy, this has become a problem!"

"I'm fine."  
"Amy, I'm driving you home from a motherfucking rehab center! I don't know where you come from but where I come from, that doesn't sound like you're fine!" I rolled my eyes and sighed. We slowed down at a yellow light and then stopped. I tapped my foot impatiently. She turned the radio on. A Miley Cyrus song came on the radio. It took me back to the time that Jenna and I were at the café and I told her that I might've been in love with her. It also brought me back to when I first met her and the moment we first kissed. I also remembered that night in Oregon City when we made love and I fell in love with her. Or at least I think I did. Finally, Penny broke the silence. "You're going to stay at my place. On my way here, I packed your bags."

**At Penny's Apartment**

She grabbed a white pillow and a pink coral fleece blanket from her closet and tossed it on the couch. I smiled at her. "Thank you for letting me stay here."

"It's so I can keep an eye on you so you don't hurt yourself again." Part of me wanted to shout at her, but another part of me figured she was trying to help me. I just nodded my head and then grabbed my pillow. I was going to fluff it myself, but she went ahead and did I for me. "Thanks. And thanks for lending me your pajamas." The grey t-shirt was snug around my breasts, but the sweatpants fit surprisingly well. She smiled. "No problem, sweetie. Well, good night." She headed back into her bedroom. I sprawled myself across the couch and pulled the blanket over myself. I was just getting ready to go to sleep when someone knocked on the door. Knock! Knock! Knock! "Penny!" Knock! Knock! Knock! "Penny!" Knock! Knock! Knock! "Penny!" I groaned. Not this shit again! I pulled the cover over my head. I could heard Penny's sigh and then her footsteps getting louder as she walked towards the door. The door opened. "What is it Sheldon?"

"Penny, I saw your Facebook status this morning and I must ask you, what does 'PLL is coming! Im shakin' wit craziness in mah veins!' mean?"

"Sheldon, I was just expressing excitement because my favorite show is coming back for a new season."

"Well what does 'Im shakin with craziness in mah veins!' mean. It sounded to me like you were saying, 'I'm shaking with craziness in my veins!'"

"Yes, Sheldon that's what I said. Why are you so interested?"

"I was just trying to decipher your Facebook status. By the way, why do you say, 'I'm shaking with craziness in my veins?'"

"I was just expressing my excitement, Sheldon!"

"But that doesn't make any sense. One cannot shake with craziness in their veins." I could tell that Penny rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry for the lack of logic!" she said sarcastically. "Sarcasm?" Sheldon sounded confused as hell. My back began to ache. I shifted to my side, which was a horrible move to make regarding the situation I was. I held my breath. "What is underneath your blanket, Penny?"

"Uh, nothing! Just some new equipment for my, uh, thing."

"Well, why did it move?

"It, um, its electronic stuff."

"What electronic stuff?"

"Just a massage machine and a huge rotating thing."

"You already turned it on?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Well, then you should not be putting it under that blanket like that. You see a blanket is a large piece of cloth, intended to keep the user warm. Also, electrical devices generate heat when turned on. Not to mention that your blanket is made of polar fleece, which is highly flammable if it doesn't have a flame retardant. And knowing for as long as I have, I know that blanket has no flame retardant. You might want to remove that blanket."

"I'll keep that in mind, Sheldon. Good night." I heard the door creak as though Penny were about to close it, but then Sheldon stopped it. "Hold on, now."

"What is it now, Sheldon?"

"I'm going to go examine this equipment of yours. It's a safety hazard."

"I will take care of it, Sheldon." I could hear the nervousness in her voice. "No, Penny. This must be taken care of by someone who is educated."

"Sheldon, no! Honey!" The blanket was being pulled off of me. There he was, his sapphire eyes burning into mine. "Amy?" I slowly sat up. Penny sighed. "Sheldon, Amy will be spending a couple days in my apartment." Sheldon looked back at Penny. "Penny, we discussed this. You can't keep lying to me about things like this."

"Sheldon, the last time she was here, you started bitching about it." He looked at me and licked his lips. I didn't move a muscle. I just sat there, drowning in his eyes. He stared back at me, unmoving. Suddenly, everything kept flooding back from the first time we met at the café to the time he discovered I was cheating on him. I could see the expression in his eyes changing from anger to contempt. "Hello, Dr. Farrah Fowler," he finally said. I straightened myself and cleared my throat. "Dr. Cooper." He turned back to face Penny, who just stood at the doorway looking confused as hell. "Goodnight, Penny." He walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. "What just happened?" she asked me.

**The Nightmare**

_Penny turned on the television. "Good morning, Pasadena. I am Leonard Hofstadter and I'd just like to point out that this is the greatest tragedy that has ever struck Pasadena. My best friend and roommate, Sheldon Lee Cooper, just shot himself in the head!" _

"_What?" I choked out. I could feel my heart rising to my throat. "SHELDON!" Penny cried out. She buckled over and dropped to her knees. She grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged on it. I could hear her muffled wailing. I reached out and placed my hand on her back, but she swatted it away. "Don't touch me!" she growled. "It's your fault! You're the reason he is dead!" Tears burned my cheeks. "Penny, I'm sorry," I choked out. "I'm sorry!" She emerged to her feet and then grabbed a pillow. She whacked me on the head with it. "If you hadn't acted like a slut, none of this would've happened!" With that, she stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. I collapsed onto the couch and buried my face in the white pillow. I began bawling my eyes out when I heard a noise. When I lifted my face from the pillow, I found myself in a different setting. I was in a dark and musty room. There was nothing but a single light bulb suspended from a chord and an empty chair in the corner of the room. "Amy!" I heard Sheldon call from behind me. I turned around. There was nothing there. When I turned back around, there he was in the chair that was once empty. He was wearing a black blazer, a white V-neck, and black dress pants. He was fiddling with a pistol in his hand. My chest tightened. My hands began to sweat and my fingers were trembling. I could feel my heart racing. He looked up at me and gave me a sick smile before lifting the gun and putting the barrel to his head. The tears were coming down faster. "No!" I pleaded. He wrapped his finger around the trigger. "No!" I pleaded again. He pulled the trigger. A gunshot was fired. "SHELDON!"_

I immediately sat up in the couch, beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. Penny immediately ran out of her bedroom. "Amy, are you alright? What's the matter?" She took a seat next to me. I found myself throwing my arms around her and sobbing into her shoulder. She gingerly rubbed my back. "Amy, it's going to be okay. I promise. You will get through this." The front door flung open. "What's going on? Why is Amy screaming in the middle of the night?" The four-eyed dwarf frantically searched the apartment. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, honey. Amy just had a nightmare."

"Oh." He didn't say anything further; he just turned around and walked out of the apartment. Penny sighed.

**The Next Morning**

Penny poured black coffee into the black mug. "Amy, do you want milk in your coffee, sweetie?" I shook my head. "No thank you." She poured a pack of sugar into my coffee and then stirred it before setting it right in front of me. I took a sip. There was a knock on the door. Thank god it wasn't Knockknockknock, "Penny!" Knockknockknock, "Penny!" Knockknockknock, "Penny!" It was just one single knock on the door. I couldn't stand to see his face again, especially after that god-awful nightmare I had about him. Just the thought of it made my stomach churn. Penny went over and answered the door. "Mor-ning, Pen-ny," Leonard sang. He appeared to be hiding something behind his back. "Morning, sweetie." I could hear the smile in her voice. "Whatcha got there?"

"Oh just a little pick-me-up." He pulled out a rose. She gasped in surprise. "Oh, Leonard! Thank you so much!" She threw her arms around him. "I love you so much!" she cried. She pulled away. "Thank you so much!" She pressed her lips against his. He kissed her back. I shuddered, literally tasting the bile in the back of my throat as I listened to their tongues clicking and their panting and moaning. He slid his hands down her back and groped her ass. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed her fingers through his short and curly hair. For a rose? I made a very loud and obnoxious gagging sound. The minute they heard the gagging sound, they immediately stopped making out. "Hi, Amy," Leonard said nervously. He gave me an uneasy smile. I waved at him. He awkwardly waved back. "How are you?"

"Better. Thank you." Leonard nodded once before walking over to the couch and sitting down. "Okay guys, I'm going to go hop in the shower!" She ran into her bedroom and shut the door. I grabbed my cup of coffee and headed over to the couch. I took a seat next to him. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and throwing the cup of yogurt at you the other day."

"It's fine. I kinda deserved it after the way I treated you. I didn't know that you attempted suicide the night before I said that. I didn't know how much it bothered you."

"Well, I guess we both were in the wrong. You were kinda right about what you said. I am a total slutbag. I cheated on the guy that I cared about the most with a teenaged girl."

"People make poor choices. But Amy, that doesn't mean that you should go and hurt yourself. You think it'd make things better, but no. It makes it worse. Trust me; I know." I turned to face him. "Tell me about it." He sighed. "I never told anyone this, but when I was in college I got drunk at a frat party and then woke up in bed next to a dude. People called me a faggot since then. After a while, I got tired of it so I went to the bathroom, popped a handful of sleep pills in my mouth, and tried to drown myself in the bathtub. A friend of mine, rest in peace, admitted me to a mental institution. After spending four months in the institution, I had a lot of work to catch up on and a lot of exams to make up for. It was a stressful week for me and on top of that, people started treating differently. They treated me like I was fragile. My mother became even more ashamed of me than she already was. She wouldn't even look in my direction. She already hated me, but after that, she just completely shut me out of her life." He sighed. "So, there."

"Wow. Leonard, I—"

"Don't say anything. That would just make the subject more uncomfortable than it already is." He grimaced at me and then looked down at his lap. He started twiddling his thumbs. I could see a tear drip off his face. I scooted closer to him and embraced him. He started crying on my shoulder. I gingerly stroked his head. Behind me, I could hear Penny's bedroom door open and close. "Leonard, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he weepily answered.

**Sheldon and Amy Talk Things Over**

Penny was out in the grocery store, buying food so I just stayed in the apartment, watching television. Knockknockknock! "Penny." Knockknockknock! "Penny!" Knockknockknock! "Penny!" I groaned. "She's not here!" He fell silent for a moment. For a moment, I thought he left. That was of course, until I heard, knockknockknock, "Amy!" Knockknockknock, "Amy!" Knockknockknock, "Amy!" I lifted myself from the couch and went over to answer the door. "What do you need, Sheldon?"

"I need to speak with Penny about an issue regarding Leonard. And since she isn't here, I figured I'd just wait here until she comes. May I?" I made room for him to brush past me and settle himself on the floral patterned chair to the far left of the room. Once he sat in his spot, I sighed and took my seat on the couch. We just silently sat there, watching a random music video on the television. After a while, he grabbed the remote and switched it off. "So, how have you been doing this past week?"

"I've been doing better."

"Have you been intoxicating yourself with alcohol and nicotine, slashing your arms with a blade, or indulging in any other suicidal nonsense?" I shook my head. "I've been doing fine. Thank you, Sheldon."

"I don't understand what the use is, Amy! You're not the victim here; I am! Why are you the one harming yourself? I mean, I was the one that got cheated on." I rolled my eyes. "Well, I'm sorry I stole your spotlight!"

"You just keep looking for ways to hurt me, don't you?" I groaned. "Sheldon, seriously? I already feel like crap!"  
"It's always about you, isn't it? It's always about you!"

"You know what, Sheldon? Just leave!" He shot out of his seat. "You know, for the past several weeks, I've been continuing with my research on the string theory! And what have you been doing? Overdosing yourself with ethanol and nicotine, slashing your arms, and then trying to take your own life! It's like you're trying to make everyone feel sorry for you!" I rose from my seat. "Excuse me? I spent weeks being called slut, skank, and a whole bunch of other names at work. And Dr. Lane even tried to rape me!"

"Well, poor you!"

"And if you hated the fact that I got so much attention, why did you admit me to the mental hospital in the first place?" He gaped at me. "Yeah, Sheldon. Penny told me everything!" He sighed. "She promised me she wouldn't tell a soul!"

"Why did you admit me to the hospital?"

"Amy, you needed help!"

"What gave you the right to decide whether I needed help or not?"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, AMY, YOU TRIED TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF!" I stood aghast. For as long as I've known him, I've never seen him explode like that. Also, he did have a point. Should I thank him for trying to help me? For showing that, despite what I did, he still cared? Maybe I should. "You're right. I did need help. I lost my mind. I-I-I let myself go when I lost you. When we were together, I felt like you were belittling me and verbally abusing me. And then, a couple months ago, I met Jenna. I thought she was the most amazing girl in the world. She was never afraid to touch me or show me a little bit of love. I actually thought that she was perfect. She was everything—charming, young, beautiful…everything. I was so caught up in her, and I didn't realize what I was doing until she told me she was in love with me, and then you appeared. I fooled myself into thinking that it was just a fling. It was just a silly little game. She was just there for my own sexual pleasure. I took advantage of her sexually, and by doing that I betrayed you. Now that I realize what I've done, I feel like the shittiest girlfriend on the planet!"

"Amy, if you felt so belittled and abused, why didn't you talk to me?"

"Because I was scared of losing you, Sheldon! At the time, I wasn't thinking of how much you have done for me. All I thought about was myself and what I wanted." He sighed. "Well maybe I didn't try hard enough."

"Sheldon, you tried much harder than you think you did. When we first met, you were completely uncomfortable with any human physical contact. And you came through just for me! I guess I didn't even think of that when we were together." I took a seat. He sat down next to me. "Amy, you were the only person that I could be honest with. To be honest, I never actually thought I'd be having such a heartfelt conversation with someone."

"I broke us, Sheldon. Instead of being honest with you like I should've, I acted like a nasty whore and slept with other people." He immediately stiffened. "People? Who else were you having coitus with?" I laughed a little. "No one else, Sheldon. It was just Jenna."

"But people is plural, which indicates that you have slept with more than one person."

"No, Sheldon. It was just one. Sorry I confused you." He scooted closer to me. "Why did you harm yourself, Amy?" I sighed. "I felt so guilty for what I did to you. You have all these deficiencies and you kept trying to overcome them. Despite everything you did for me, I took a knife and plunged it right into your back. And as for Jenna, I manipulated her and took advantage of her. I couldn't take that guilt anymore, and at the time I figured that it would make things much easier for you if I were dead."

"Why would you think that, Amy?"

"Because I was stupid, Sheldon. I became so lost in my own guilt and my own pain that I completely forgot about you. I was just being selfish." We sat in silence for a moment. "Amy?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Do you think that we'll ever presume with our relationship?" I shook my head. "I don't know." Should we get back together? That's the question I asked myself. Should he forgive me despite the wrong that I've done him? I guessed that was for him to decide. "I mean, I know we shouldn't start now but…I'm not sure about the future."

"You know, Amy? You may have cheated on me, but you still care about me. I kind of feel like I deserved to be cheated on—"

"No, you don't! Don't you ever say that, Sheldon! You didn't deserve that! I, on the other hand, deserved everything that happened to me and I can't believe it took me this long to realize that." Sheldon turned to look at me for a moment. I looked back at him. We just sat like this for what seemed like an eternity, trying to figure out exactly where we were. And for the first time in my life, I saw a whole other of him that I've never seen before. I didn't see a theoretical physicist with an IQ of 187; I saw a man that's been through so much heartache. And that man that was sitting before me was the man that I've created. "Do you think we could be friends?" I finally asked him. He thought for a moment. "We could try. Maybe I could start inviting you to dinner with us again." I smiled at him. "That sounds nice, Sheldon."

**Working Her Way Back into the Group**

For the first time in months, things actually started to feel normal again despite the fact that Sheldon and I were no longer dating. Everybody was sitting around, munching on their Thai food. "So, Amy, are you feeling better?" Raj asked me. I nodded. "Yeah, I feel better." I guessed that I was going to have to get used to people consistently checking up on me. "Um, could you please not victimize me? I've been acting immaturely and overly-dramatic for the past couple of months, so don't bother."

"Okay then." Raj continued eating his food. The dinner was awfully silent. Usually, Sheldon would be educating us about something random or complaining because someone didn't dice his chicken. "Hey, Sheldon, how's your food?" Penny asked him. "It's great!" Sheldon told her. I noticed how Howard kept shooting dirty looks in my direction, which made me extremely uncomfortable. "So, Penny, did you get any acting jobs?" I asked her. She shook her head. "No." I began drumming my fingers on my lap. The silence grew heavier. I could feel the weight of Howard's glare on my face. Bernadette sucked at her teeth. Howard's gaze started to burn into my flesh. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until Penny whispered, "Breathe, Amy," in my ear. I released my breath and continued eating. "This is nice," Bernadette finally said. "All of us back together again." Nobody said anything in response. Rajesh was the only one who nodded in agreement.

**After the Awkward Dinner**

"Well, that was fun." Penny shut the door behind us and then went right into the kitchen. "Want a beer?" She opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles of Bud Lite. I shook my head. "No thanks." I went to the closet and grabbed the fleece blanket and white pillow. "Why was Howard looking at me the way he was?"

"Oh. Sheldon has become a lot bitchier since the two of you broke up. Howard kind of blames you for putting him in hell, so…"

"I thought maybe it was because he thought I was a—"

"Honey, let's not think of that right now." She walked over to her sky blue couch with two beer bottles in her hand. "Penny, I told you I didn't want any."

"Oh, I know. They're for me." She cheekily smiled. I just rolled my eyes at her. "Hey, what happened to the audition you got for Criminal Minds?"

"Oh, they rejected me. They said I was too kind to be serial killer."

"Can't you be a dead girl or something?"

"They have plenty of dead girls on that show and I'm not lying on that dirty floor! I just did my hair a couple of days ago and I ain't messing it up again." I just nodded. The minute I looked down, I saw a yellow envelope that said, "For Amy," right on the coffee table. I picked it up and opened it. Inside, there was a folded piece of paper. I opened it up. It read:

_Dear Amy,_

_I know I'm probably the last person that you want to speak to right now, but I want to make things right between us. How about we meet at the café tomorrow at exactly eleven in the morning. I really want to talk about what happened between us in Portland. And I know you don't want to hear this right now, Amy, but I am in love with you and the last thing I ever wanted to do was ruin your life. Please, I am begging you to meet me in the café. It's time we straighten things out._

_XOXO, Jenna Marshall_

My heart leapt right out of my chest. I can't believe that she actually wrote me a letter. How the hell did she even get in here? Did she pick a lock or something? "What was it?" Penny asked me. I could barely even breathe. It's like the air was stuck in my throat. I couldn't meet her at that café. The last time we were together, I wound up hurting the guy I cared about. But maybe if I went to that café, it would clear things up. Maybe this one encounter with her could change everything. One part of me felt that it would be a mistake going there, but another part of me felt like not going would be a huge mistake. If I go to that café, will everything start to make sense? What if I started falling in love with her again? What if I slept with her? Or what if she was setting me up?

"Amy, what is it?" Penny's question broke my train of thought. Where could I begin? The girl that I almost fell in love with wanted to meet me for coffee and there's a possibility that I might mess up and sleep with her again? "She wants to meet me for coffee," I finally told her. Penny looked confused. "She?"

"Jenna."

"Oh, right." She just nodded and sipped her beer. "What about?"

"She said she wanted to make things right. Penny, what if I sleep with her again? What if I fall for her again?"

"Relax, Amy. You won't do that. I know you!"

"Really? Did you know that I've been sleeping with a teenaged girl for two weeks? Did you know that I almost fell in love with her?"

"I see where you're going, but its not like you're going to do the same thing all over again."

"Have you ever heard of the phrase, 'Once a slut, always a slut?'"

"Amy, stop calling yourself a slut! You're not a slut!"

"I slept with another girl while I was dating Sheldon! I don't know what you call it, but I call it slutty!"

"You're letting those assholes at work convince you that you're a slut, Amy! You're not a slut at all!"

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I'm getting really sick and tired of you defending me!"

"Amy, that's what friends do!"

"Well, stop being a friend! Why the hell did you invite me into your apartment in the first place? To keep me from hurting myself? Why on earth would you check me into the hospital, Penny? Why couldn't you just let me die? Maybe if I were being the one cheated on, it would be appropriate! Penny, I was the one that cheated on _him. _He didn't cheat on me! And on top of that, I slept with a child! I'm not just a slut, Penny! I'm a pedophile! A first class pedophile, okay? I snuck around with an eighteen-year-old girl, Penny—"

"She's 18! It's totally legal! If she were 16, that'd be a different story—"

"You're not getting the point here, Penny! I _cheated _on my boyfriend and I lied to his face! And on top of that, I victimize myself! Now everybody's treating me like I'm the one who needs help! My ex-boyfriend was the real victim here, and yet he was the one who had to help me! Why? Because I had to draw attention to myself! I was the one that had to put on an act!"

"Amy, its not your fault—"

"YES IT IS, PENNY!" My face was soaked in tears. "Stop treating me like a fucking victim! I'm not a victim of anything or anyone! I was stupid, okay? It was my fault everyone at the laboratory called me a slut, it was my fault that someone felt the need to switch my money with a monkey that has been hooked on cannabis, it was my fault that somebody tried to rape me right in front of all of my colleagues, it was my fault that I wound up in a mental institution, and it is certainly my fault that my boyfriend has to put up with being in the same room as me because he feels sorry for me! I don't deserve his kindness!" She pulled me in for a hug, but I pushed her away. "Just don't! I can't do this right now!" I got up and ran out of the apartment.

**The Complication**

Jenna handed me a black mug of chamomile tea. I took the cup from her. "Thank you."

"You said you wanted to talk?" She took a seat right across from me.

"Yes, I do. I want to talk about what happened between us in Portland."

"Okay. Go." I took a deep breath. "When we made love to each other that night, I thought that I'd never feel the way I did that night again. The next day, I told you that I was love in you."

A glint of hope flashed in her clear sea-green eyes.

"After I led you to believe that I was in love with you, I began to realize how much I've confused myself." The sparkle of hope that was in her eyes suddenly vanished. "Oh, I see."

"Jenna, you're very beautiful and charming and I'm sure there's a good guy out there for you. I don't think we were never meant to be, Jenna. The only reason why I had sex with you was because I wasn't happy in the relationship that I was in."

"I see. I was just a stupid fling. Nothing more." My heart broke the minute I saw a teardrop dripping from her face. "Jenna, please don't cry."

"I know you're not in love with me, Amy. But that doesn't change my feelings for you. You may have broken my heart, Amy, but I will always have feelings for you."

"Jenna, I'm afraid I can't return those feelings. I love you, Jenna. But I don't love you in the way that you want me to love you."

"You can't say that you're not in love with me, Amy! You can't!"

"Jenna, you're making this harder than it needs to be."

"I DON'T CARE! I want you, Amy!"

"Jenna, stop—"

"Let's run away together! You and I can get married! We can start a family and live in a small cottage—"

"Jenna—"

"It doesn't matter where we live! We can live anywhere! Just as long as I'm with you! And I can—"

"Jenna, stop! I cannot be in a relationship with you! I can't start a life with you! I can't marry you or have children with you! And when I finally tell someone I love them, I want to mean it. I love you as a friend, Jenna! But that's all! I'm sorry!" I got up from my seat and headed towards the door when she grabbed my hand. "Please, Amy. Don't leave again. I already had to live three months without you! I don't want to live without you any longer."

"Jenna, just stop. Please!"

"Amy, just spend one night with me!"

"Jenna—"

"I'm leaving to Rosewood tomorrow. Come with me!"

"I can't leave, Jenna. I have a life here!"

"We could start a new life! I mean, you can't tell me that, in the middle of everything that has been happening for the past couple of weeks, you haven't once thought about running away!"  
"I did, Jenna."

"Then come with me. Maybe just come back to Rosewood with me for a couple of weeks. We can have a fresh start!"  
"No, Jenna! Stop it!"

"Lets go somewhere together. Just for a couple of weeks! We don't have to go to Rosewood. We can go to Georgia or New York or Germany! We're not running away; we're just taking a trip."  
"The last time I took a trip with you, it destroyed my relationship with Sheldon."

"Last time, you two were together. This time, you're not! Please, come with me. Just for a couple of weeks." I thought about it for a moment. She did have a point. I wasn't in a relationship anymore, and maybe we could actually get some closure. What did I have to lose? My friends. I didn't want to make the same mistake that I made last time. But she was of legal age, of course. But would going away with her make it better or worse? What if I fell in love with her again? What would happen then? The only mistake that I made was that I cheated on my boyfriend. This time, I didn't have a boyfriend to cheat on. But after everything he and I had been through for the past couple of months, would I hurt him if I took this trip with her? I mean, it was just a trip. She and I weren't going to get married or anything like that. We were just going to take a trip for couple of weeks. "I'll think about it," I finally told her.

**Sheldon's Apology**

"She asked you to take a trip with her?" He seemed slightly angry. Of course I could understand where he was coming from. The last time I took a trip with Jenna, it ended my relationship with him. "Sheldon, I didn't say yes. But I didn't say no. I don't want to make a decision that would hurt us even more than it already does." He took the teakettle off of his small stove and then took it over to the sink. "So you came to me, despite the fact that we are no longer, as the people in the urban world would say, an item?" His inability to understand slang and social interactions still made me smile. "Sheldon, I need to know if this is okay with you." He filled teakettle with hot water. "Well, you are no longer my girlfriend. I don't think I should be deciding what you should be doing with your life." He placed the teakettle on the stove and switched on. "Amy, could you be a dear and grab two mugs from the cabinet?" I went over to the cabinet where he kept all of his mugs and opened it. "I'm just asking you how you feel about this." I grabbed one yellow mug and one red mug. He grabbed the box of tea packets from the shelf. "So, you're going to make all your life decisions on account of how I feel about them?"

"I just don't want to hurt you." He opened the tea packet. "Amy, you're a grown woman. You can make your own decisions!"

"Sheldon, I want to talk this over. Me not talking with you was what broke us up in the first place. We may not be together anymore, but I still care about you."

"Amy, what do you want from me?"

"I just want an answer to the question I'm about to ask you." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, unsure of how to ask this. I guessed that it would be better to know the truth, but a question like this might destroy everything that we've been trying to build. I was afraid of the answer, but maybe this was worth the risk. "Do you still have feelings for me?" He stiffened. He was silent for an entire minute. Of course I wasn't going to rush him. I didn't think that normal people would ask a question like this after a break up. He slowly turned to face me, his eyes filled with an expression I could hardly decipher. Was it shock? Was it disgust? Was it pain? Was he disturbed by the question I just asked him? Was he offended? He opened mouth like he was going to say something, but no sound came out. Was he going to say that he hated me? Was he going to tell me that I was a disgusting whore? What was he going to say? What was he thinking? Was he hiding something from me? He sighed. What did that mean? "Amy," he finally said. "Breathe." I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until then.

"I don't know how to respond to that question, Amy."

"I guess that was a really inappropriate question to ask."

"It's not inappropriate, Amy. It's just a difficult question for me to answer." He took me by the hand and led me into the living room. He sat down on his spot on the left side of the couch. I took the seat one cushion away from him. He licked his lips and sighed. "After the incident that happened in Portland, I felt confused. Part of me blamed myself for losing you, but another part of me hated you for not being honest with me. I felt like I wasn't giving you enough. I felt like I wasn't making you happy. You hurt me in every way possible. But you also helped me grow. You helped me realize the error of my ways. When we broke up, I found out that I took you for granted. I wasn't giving you enough. It took me several weeks to realize what all of this meant. I want to say that I'm sorry for making it difficult for you to be honest with me—"

"Sheldon, you don't need to do this! You don't need to blame yourself! I told you this before—"

"Amy, I have an eidetic memory! I remember what you said."

"Sheldon, you don't have to apologize for anything! I'm the one that should be apologizing for everything!"

"Amy, you already apologized. Now it's my turn to apologize. I know it's too late to apologize, but I'm sorry for all those years that I've belittled you and abused you." I started crying again. He let out a sigh of aggravation. "Oh, no! Not the waterworks! What did I say wrong? Did I insult you? You know, you women are a little too sensitive for my understanding!"

"I'm not crying because I'm insulted. I'm crying because you're just so amazing!" He scrunched his eyebrows. "That doesn't make any sense. You're crying because I'm amazing?"

"Despite what I did to you, you still managed to forgive me!"

"So you're crying because I forgave you?" I nodded. "Yes." He shook his head at me. "Do all women do this? Cry for the strangest reasons?" I smiled at him. "I still love the way you fail to understand human ways." I dried my eyes and sat up straight. "So do you think I should take this trip?"

"I believe that you should do what you think is best."

**The Decision**

"I can't take this trip with you, Jenna." She started to cry. "Why not?"

"It will only make things more complicated than they already are." I sighed. "I talked to Sheldon and talking to him made me realize that staying here could change things!"

"After everything he's done to you, you still love him!"

"He hasn't done anything to me—"

"Did he ever defend you at Cal Tech? No! He just kept himself locked in his office!"

"Why would he defend me? I cheated on him!" It hurt to admit it, but it was the truth. Why would he do anything for me after everything I've done to him? I cheated on him with a teenaged girl because I was too scared to be honest with him. Why would he defend me after all that? Why?

She took a deep breath. "Could you at least tell me this: are you doing this because you are in love with him?"  
"No. I'm doing this for you. I've complicated your life enough. I don't want to complicate it even more. I think it's best if we never saw each other again." She stayed silent for a couple of minutes. It seemed as though she were taking my proposal into consideration. "You're right," she finally said. "Being with you used to be easy because back then, it was easier for me to convince myself you were in love with me. Back then it was easier for me to believe that we could actually have a future together. When I first met you, everything became crystal clear. It became less complicated because you actually made me feel like I belonged somewhere. But now, its like trying to reach to the surface of the ocean only to get pulled back to the bottom. I gave you my heart, Amy, but you took it into your hand and crushed it! But I still love you. Because I'm still holding on to memories of us. Of what we were when we were together. So for your sake, I'm going to leave Pasadena and return to Rosewood. And I will never come back again." My cheeks were wet with tears. She turned around and walked towards the front door. She sadly looked over her shoulder before grabbing the doorknob and pulling the door open. I sighed and gave her a sad smile before heading out of the hotel room. She slammed the door behind me. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to blink back my tears.

**The Aftermath**

Her words echoed in my mind. _You took my heart into your hand and crushed it, but I still love you. _How could she love me after what I've done to her? She was such a good person and I destroyed her! She should've lashed out on me. She should've just shouted that she hated me and then completely shut me out of her life. Instead she had to go and tell me that despite all the heartache I've caused her, she still loved me. I started to hate her for loving me. I sighed and continued fiddling with the tunic wolf shirt. I wore this shirt on my first date with her. I wanted to hold on to it just to remember a time when things were easier. I was so stupid. I wished people would just go back to hating me and calling me a slut. After all, I deserved it. I was a slut. Why did my friends keep checking me into hospitals for attempted suicide? Why didn't they just let me die? No. I wasn't going back to being that stupid suicidal bitch that just wanted an easy way out.

Knockknockknock! "Amy?" Knockknockknock! "Amy?" Knockknockknock! "Amy?" I haven't been so happy to see his face in such a long time. I immediately hopped off of my couch and danced all the way to the door. When I opened the door, I saw him standing at the doorway with both hands behind his back. "Hello, Amy." A gleeful smile came across his face. I mimicked his smile. "Hey, Sheldon. What's up?" He held out a stack of papers in front of me. I took it from his hand. "What is this?"

"This is a modified version of our relationship agreement." I gaped at him in utter shock. He wanted to get back with me after what I did? My breath suddenly escaped my lips. I couldn't even find the words to say. He took one step closer. "Amy, I suggest that we presume our relationship despite the circumstances. Over the past few weeks, we've been having these heart-to-heart moments with each other and those moments made me realize that ending our relationship wasn't the answer. Instead, we must make a few improvements. From this moment forward, we will occasionally have moments of physical intimacy. This does not necessarily include coitus, but we will hold hands more often and I will try to get into the habit of initiating hugs with you. Also, I will send you bouquets of red roses and I will compliment you more often. You will see the amendments of the relationship agreement on section 5B, 6A, and 32D." I skimmed the relationship agreement. "Wow, Sheldon. That was very thoughtful of you."

"Thank you." He took my hands into his own. He was gripping my hands too tight, but I was okay with it. At least he was holding my hands. He looked me square in the eye and cleared his throat. "Amy Farrah Fowler, will you be my girlfriend again?"

"Yes, Sheldon. I will."

**A Lesson Learned**

After a month of being back together with Sheldon, I felt like I was one whole again. And I knew that I didn't deserve his love or forgiveness, but I was blessed. I was grateful that all was forgiven. It's like I finally found the missing puzzle piece. That piece wasn't sexual satisfaction or a normal relationship: it was love. I needed love. There was a time when I didn't realize that everything that I was looking for was right in front of me all along. There was a time when I thought love was sex, hickeys, and roses. But I realized that love was the ability to find light in the darkest of places. Love was the strength to fight through all obstacles. Love was the strength to endure pain and forgive those that have caused it. But most importantly, love was the strength and the ability to forgive yourself. I had to endure so much in just a matter of four months and it wasn't because I cheated on him, or because I manipulated a teenaged girls: it was because I was too blind to realize that I had what I thought I was lacking. If there was one thing that I learned in those four months, it's to be grateful for the love that you already have. Do not go around searching for it in the wrong places. If that person is fighting as hard as they can to keep you in their life, do not give up on them. It takes two to have a successful relationship.

****The End****


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